Calling a stick a stick and a spade a spade

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Today I want to share with you a little about my personal experiences with abuse.

I've always said that the problem with understanding both sides of an argument is that it makes it difficult to stand up for your own. You see, you can ALWAYS find a justification for abuse if you want to. You can always and I mean ALWAYS find some way to explain away a foul mouth and even the beatings. Why? Because abusers will either pick someone who is compassionate by nature or wear a person down until there is no backbone left in you and all you see is "their side". But if you get nothing else from this post, may it be this;

1) There is NO excuse for abuse. I don't care how you want to rationalise it, i don't care if you've done something wrong/stupid/silly/inappropriate. NOTHING justifies abuse. Fullstop.
2) Long term abusers don't change. Eventually, you turn into nothing, or you get out.

Let me qualify the last statement thus - how  you can get out, or why you get out,  what for you is the proverbial last straw, or the  when you get out. - THAT you must think about carefully and THAT must be planned. (Note - you must have tried to do everything in your power to stop the abuse before you walk out, otherwise you're not proving anything to anyone.)

That said; the only thing I've never had (and Insh'Allah never will have) is the physical beating. But whilst sticks and stones can break your bones, words can annihilate you so much that you never recover.

Abusive words etch themselves slowly, almost impercetibly, into your soul and self-image, until one day you wake up dead on the inside, you conform to the abuse, you accept all the excuses you've told yourself for what they do, and you can't imagine ever getting out. All sorts of reasonings and excuses and explanations (some learnt, some self-imposed) suddenly wash over you when another abuse crisis hits, and they all seem suddenly more important than even your own survival. Even alcoholism and drugs suddenly seem an easier option than leaving. If you've lived that long with abuse then at this stage the only thing that will help you is someone who can (just as patiently as the abuser has broken you), rebuild your self esteem. That someone can be you, by educating yourself on the practicalities of abuse, reading about the experiences of others, and re-learning all those wonderful things that made you awesome when you met the abuser. . Or it can be someone who loves you, or it can be a professional.

You see, if you are still in an abusive relationship your greatest strength and your greatest weakness is probably your sense of compassion. It's time you start being compassionate towards YOU, in little ways, until you're strong enough to tackle the beast and eventually, if you're strong enough, you can WALK AWAY to live, not just "exist".

My personal story:

In my first job i worked for a boss who had just moved to the country and was keen to make her mark;  You can imagine how I excused her every fault, me being so young and her being so new; she was new, she was adapting, she was "different", she needs to adjust, I knew all the excuses. Essentially she took credit for anything i did and would privately wittle away at my sense of personal achievement. Eager to learn, I excused it, until I literally and physically almost burnt out, medically. It built a little backbone in me to walk away, but it was extremely difficult. after all, I was young and I was afraid and I was taught to respect my elders. I wrote her a long letter after leaving as my healing process and then burnt the letter, imagining myself setting ME free all that negativity.  So, for a few jobs I was okay, I learnt to operate in the corporate world and to find my "voice" again, thanks to managers who heard that voice and were driven towards productivity, not childish games.

Then I walked into a job and a manager who would prove to be my "nemisis". In his mid 40's, this man destroyed anyone he came in contact with and took great pleasure in doing so. No, this was not apparent in an interview. He initially made me feel like I was someone with potential who needed to "earn" his approval with the application of my mind. I had become an intellectual sponge so I thought I could really prove myself with my work ethic. Well, that sponge was soon soaked in the vinegar of daily verbal abuse; "you're UNbelievably STUPID!" and "God, is that what you really hope to contribute?" but he was clever; just like any abuser e alternated the abuse with showers of praise for a job well done and promises of "speaking to management about the excellent work I was doing" and so like a sheep I strove harder and harder to prove my "worthiness". Well, hello!!... Wasn't I worthy enough to GET the job? That didn't strike me at the time, though.. Some staff members ended up being institurionalised, one committed suicide, and a few remain scarred for life. None of them ever left. I guess i was the lucky one who did. Allahuakbar.

At the same time I was "married" to an abuser. "Someone" (this is how we shall refer to this person) oscilated between seeing spirituality as stupid and seeing it as crazy, and I was part and parcel of the seeing. I was so tired of tackling the "work challenge" that I didn't immediately recognise the inciduous erosion of character "someone" was busy with. I pretended to wash off the "you're so stupid" laughing comments or the "Agh shutup what do you know" initially. It had to be ME, right?  Then the subtle punishments and erosion of character stepped up; when I didn't react, there was always a punishment. One day I reflected back to "someone" saying "are you aware that you're punishing me for attending a church service?" To which I was promptly told "yes." so I asked "why?" and was told "Because I can". And the sarcastic laughter dripped, silenced any further argument. Any comment was taken as worthless and arbitrary and well, stupid. I was stupid, regardless of any circumstance. In retrospect my only stupidity was not leaving sooner.

To make a very long sad story short, the mind games are part and parcel of abuse. If you've been abused, you know what I'm talking about. "Someone" would arrive but not say a word, practically hiding out of sight for hours without my knowing. Then "someone" would act surprised - "what's your problem", and eventually, you don't argue back anymore. Or things would be done or undone and I was made to feel as though I was either crazy or I had imagined it all. Eventually, anything I attempted to do as an individual in a personal or intellectual capacity was "doomed for failure" and reason for ridicule. If success was imminent, I'd soon loose that small flicker of hope from the continuous wearing down of my own self esteem.

Then, it became outright cruel. So reader, yes, I've been locked in a bedroom/bathroom/car because someone "didn't notice I was there" or "enter maniacal mocking laughter here". Heck, I've locked myself in too, just to avoid "someone". I've had things thrown, heard all the usual , had doors banged, lights flicked on and off continuously whilst I attempted to sleep (with no explanation just a stone cold stare, mind you). I've been robbed of any decision making capacity and had to explain every single dime spent over the last 3 months (in retrospect and as a test). And much more. So i probably have a good idea of what you're going through if you say there's emotional or psychological abuse going on.

What saved me? Islam. In short. It opened my eyes.

And then as a muslim Allah gave me my beloved husband Mohammed who from the time we met until today has made me feel worthy to be alive rather than just EXIST, and to whom I will always be grateful.

Studying about Islam, comparing it to my christian and catholic upbringing, to my sad reality (even if at the time I didn't acknowledge it was that bad) I couldn't believe that I'd been living this way without doing anything about walking out. I had lied to myself - alot - (SO much!) - and I regret to say to others, to cover up my personal abuse. It was only after I LEFT "someone" that I realised that I had been afraid - afraid beyond the word fear; the kind of afraid like a child afraid of ghosts she just KNOWS are under the bed, or the kind of afraid where you've been living in a war zone as a prisioner and then when you hear a firecracker you think you're dying? That kind of afraid. It was only after I was living on my own that I struggled with the quasi panic attacks and then had to talk myself down saying "nobody's coming in here, its okay, you're okay".

My point is this - don't tell me psychological abuse doesn't break you. Don't tell me it doesn't taint you the saddest shade of desperate you've ever been, and don't tell me it is "liveable"or "necessary". I have 0 (ZERO) tolerance for abusers of any shape or form, today. I have sympathy and empathy for those who are abused, yes.  And perhaps because of what I went through, I have even LESS tolerance for women abusers. Women who have kind, gentle souls for husbands. My husband today, my SoulMate, is such a man who is kind and gentle. A man who Allah sent to redeem my heart and save my soul, Alhamdolilah. If I am completely honest, had Allah not sent him I would today be either dead or have committed suicide. Sometimes, as i said in the beginning, it takes someone who will patiently and slowly piece together all the little bits of you until you can stand again. So what if you have a few cracks left behind? They are the soul wrinkles of experience, in my opinion! So if women out there have gentle souls as a spouse and are abusive to them, well, I have NO tolerance for that.

One day, one evening in fact, it hit me, whilst I was still living "there". It was over . My existance as a captive to this prisioner, it was just that - an existance. Not a life. The "life" I thought I'd been living was in fact an illusion, i had simply been surviving, in captivitity. Islam told me I wasn't a captive, so how could I be there, still? Islam told me there is only ONE God, so why was I accepting abuse from a tyrant - was this tyrant God? No. IT was time. I had to face up to the fact that abuse meant that the person I thought I'd known actually didn't exist. THat person NEVER existed. The only thing that existed was the role, the title, but the person? No. That was all an illusion. If you're reading this thinking about the person you are tied to as "not so bad" yet you are living with abuse, I ask you to consider; if you see this person through the hard cold reality of WHAT they are rather than the role YOU assigned to them, (mother/wife/companion/old friend) - if you see that person for WHAT THEY TRULY DO to you, and WHAT they truly are (abusers) then you will know what it's like to come face to face with the illusion.

IT is time, for you, perhaps, to turn to that "compassionate" person inside you who is always looking for excuses to dismiss the abuse, and see yourself  for your own brokenness, and see yourself with compassion, and your own need for compassion. If the abuse is new, get help. If it's old, get out. You do not owe it to your community, your family, your culture or anyone else to continue to be abused. That sense of "owing" is an illusion, quite possibly planted as a sense of loyalty by the abuser themself. You do not owe it to ALLAH to be abused because HE says.

"O My servants, I have forbidden oppression for Myself and have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another.

An-Nawawi's Hadith No.24




Allah's Messenger (SAW) said:

"Beware of oppression, for oppression will be a darkness on the Day of Resurrection ." (Muslim)

      ****************************************   If the abuse is new, TELL SOMEONE - someone who will believe you, or tell someone UNTIL they believe you. Get help for YOUR OWN self esteem, to build yourself up. Take a course, do something to re-learn that you ARE a valid human being!   ***************************************   Food for thought:              In the name of Allah, the Most-Merciful, the All-Compassionate

Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah

As-Salaam Alaikum Wa-Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakatuhu

 

On the authority of Abu Dharr al-Ghifari (may Allah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is that among the sayings he relates from his Lord (may He be glorified) is that He said:  -
"O My servants, I have forbidden oppression for Myself and have made it forbidden

amongst you, so do not oppress one another.

O My servants, all of you are astray except for those I have guided, so seek guidance

 of Me and I shall guide you.

O My servants, all of you are hungry except for those I have fed, so seek food of

Me and I shall feed you.

O My servants, all of you are naked except for those I have clothed, so seek

clothing of Me and I shall clothe you.

O My servants, you sin by night and by day, and I forgive all sins, so seek

forgiveness of Me and I shall forgive you.

O My servants, you will not attain harming Me so as to harm Me, and you

will not attain benefiting Me so as to benefit Me.
O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn

of you to be as pious as the most pious heart of any one man of you,

that would not increase My kingdom in anything.

O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you

to be as wicked as the most wicked heart of any one man of you,

that would not decrease My kingdom in anything.
O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn

of you to rise up in one place and make a request of Me, and were I to give everyone

what he requested,  that would not  decrease what I have, any more 

 than a needle decreases the sea if put into it.
O My servants, it is but your deeds that I reckon up for you and then recompense

 you for, so let him who finds good praise Allah

and let him who finds other than that blame no

one but himself."

  

 It was related by Muslim (also by at-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah).

!! 'SUBHANALLAH' !!

'Never Despair Of The Mercy Of Allah'.

I had a dream..

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem


Muslim or not, sometimes life runs away with you, and whilst you go about ibaada searching for Allah, sometimes we forget that to remember his messenger (pbuh) is to find yet another door to the Creator. I read about our beloved nabi(pbuh) again yesterday, and it took me back to the early days of my search, before I came to Islam, when I had so many quesions. I wanted to know the truth, because I no longer found in me what used to be my truth, you understand?

For every revert, there comes this day, I think. That day when you find yourself in suspended animation, unable to go back to what you've always held as comfort and spiritual belief, simply because it is no longer there. You cannot be convicted of it anymore because the very foundations of it have simply disappeared. A dark night of the soul, a spiritual culmination in which you truly NEED to know what is instead of what is generally believed, what IS versus what you've been taught, what you've held to be so with great conviction despite its lack of evidence. In those days, I had 3 dreams, which I will not share, but yesterday's return to the Prophet(pbuh) (and how simplistic a name is that for what he truly IS).. led me to remember just one moment in time. I'd like to share that today, in the form of a poem.

Before you think me blasphemous, it is important to remember that our Nabi (saw) was created for all of creation, a light unto the world. Let those who wish to look into that statement deeper do so, for I have only touched upon the skirt of that journey's beginning and I am left in awe..

I've called this poem simply, BELOVED, because that is our Nabi(saw). To us, muslims, and to Allah (swt) Creator of ALL that is and was and evermore shall be. If anything is given to you through this poem on a spiritual or intellectual level, I ask ALLAH to reward Muhammad (saw) for that tiny grain, and to ALLAH be all the glory. Insh'Allah and ameen..

BELOVED

I had a dream..

In which we sat beside the waters clear, the stream of life,

The laughter of the rippling water as it tumbled over polished forms

The silence of the moment rings, still, within my heart

The timbre bell of that peace resounding, gently, within my soul

I had a dream..

In which I stood and waited as a bride yet to meet her sweet betrothed,

And then, when I looked up, I saw your frame

Your steps that walked with quiet confidence,

Descending from heaven's clouds

As though the air itself held its breath that you may tread upon it’s dreams..

I had a dream,

And in that dream you smiled..

And in that moment both the sun and moon bowed low

Ashamed of their own light before your own

Ashamed of their own love before your own

Shy as a lover, standing naked on her first blessed night of union

Oh how I dreamed,

And how I fell in love with you,

Seated on that little bank beside the stream of life..

Filled throughout with the knowing of your presence

That presence filled with all the mysteries of the universe before it breathed its first day or night..

That presence filled with the light upon light and love upon love

Of a Creator I could not begin to know or understand

How could I know HIM?

How could I begin to encompass a little of HIS friendship,

When seated beside his closest companion it was as though my heart lay open,

like broken drawers of an empty chest yearning for just one more smile..

Oh how I dreamed..

And how I fell in love with you..

Oh blessed soul;

 who’s fragrance’s search still fills my every dream and waking moment since!

Oh blessed messenger;

who brought to this ragged, poor and wretched soul a touch of life,

Oh blessed messenger;

who’s love is such that your blessed feet did walk,

For the love of YOUR beloved,

That greatest stretch of eternal sky, from complete rest and peace,

 just to sit with me.

Quietly.

Beside a stream.

So that I may feel, just once, the breath of heavens possibility,

So that I may take, from your beloved hand in which all of creation sits recorded,

One tiny key..

One promise..

The answer to my "Purpose" in this dry and dusty road..

Yours then, and mine today…

ALLAH

Copywrite@2013(RC)http://yesI'mMuslimDealwithit.blogger.com - please reference if sharing

Broken hearts & mended souls

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Sorrow

Like clouds above, a billion drops of water,
drawn from the belly of the earth
toiling beneath the heat of the sun.

Sorrow, clouds on the soul,
a well that fills from the heart
drawn by the heat of trials,
a million moments of sadness,
drawn too by times of hopes too fragile to survive,
under a thousand suns of oposition;
hopes illusionary as a million moons
casting their shadow upon the lakes of dreams.

Clouds above, the driving rain,
Clouds within, the storm unnoticed brews,
that trial of fire bursts forth through a damn
that no longer can contain their driving force.
Clouds above, the rainstorm comes,
washing cleansing, settling deep.
Clouds within, the storm that grows,
that fights, and eventually - turns within

copyright@2012YesI'mMuslimDealwithIt


Can you die of a broken heart?

However you may see sorrow, wether as an expression of sadness, continued problems, or a response of grief, or a situational reaction, sorrow is instrumental in setting off the natural stress response in the body. In other words, the body's autonomic nervous system becomes extra alert and this causes the release of steroid hormones that prepare the body for action. (fight or flight). Sometimes, there is the "last straw" and sometimes it is a continuous wearing down of the individual. What sets in, then, as a result of this stress?

• Fatigue,
• Listlessness
• Lack of energy
• An increase in pulse and blood pressure
• Increased nervous activity
• Weakening of the eyes 

Sorrow causes real physiological damage - Anyone who has wept themselves to sleep knows the painful sand in the eyes, the headaches, the nausea, etc. etc. that sorrow can cause. It certainly leads to a fall in the activity of lymphocytes in white blood cells,  for instance, and more gravely a wearing thin of the heart muscle. Sorrow can rob us not just of quality of life, but of life itself - since white blood cells are an important component of the body’s self-defense mechanism, the situation may lead to opportunistic infections like colds and other minor infections. Some may call this psychosomatic, but it isn't. Real sorrow can actually cause the individual to "Die of a broken heart" - People who actually die due to excessive grief often die due to an increased risks of aggravation of pre-existing conditions like diabetes and hypertension, or even heart failure. Pain is felt more strongly, and so individuals already suffering from painful and chronic health problems ranging from arthritis to lungs to heart conditions may experience an exascerbation.

"What is “stress cardiomyopathy?”
Stress cardiomyopathy, also referred to as the “broken heart syndrome,” is a condition in which intense emotional or physical stress can cause rapid and severe heart muscle weakness (cardiomyopathy). This condition can occur following a variety of emotional stressors such as grief (e.g. death of a loved one), fear, extreme anger, and surprise. It can also occur following numerous physical stressors to the body such as stroke, seizure, difficulty breathing (such as a flare of asthma or emphysema), or significant bleeding. " (reference: Hopkins Medicine, online)

The quran and sorrow:


Studies are showing what the Quran has said from the beginning - that sorrow truly does impact the body in many ways:

And he turned away from them, and said, ‘Ah, how great is my grief for Joseph.’  And his eyes turned white because of the sorrow that he choked within him.” (12: 84)

When one is upright, and seeks Allah's pleasure Allah does not allow suffering to continue indefinately. Even in the case of Jacoob (Jacob, as) - for Allah gave healing, eventually setting Jacoob free from sorrow..hence:

“So, when the caravan set forth, their father ( Jacob ) said, ‘surely I perceive Yousof’s scent, unless you think me doting’. They said; ‘By Allah, you are certainly in your ancient error.’ But when the bearer of good tidings came  to him, and laid it (Yousof's shirt) on his face, forthwith he saw once again.  He said; ‘Did I not tell you I know from Allah that you know not?’ (12: 94-96)

Take heart, for Allah does not allow sorrow to extend forever. He either takes the cause away  or removes you from what is causing IT.  For this reason the quran tells us that Allah does not "give a soul more than it can bear". It is important to note that everyone has a choice in their circumstances, to continue in them or change them with Allah's help. Where oppression makes it impossible for someone to change the circumstances, Allah always steps in. In his divine time,  but always. Sometimes, we experience sorrow or grief as a result of our own choices, sometimes, sorrow or grief comes as a result of the choices of others, and sometimes it comes as a result of a divine decree regarding death of a loved one. We cannot simply state "Allah will set things right" without taking responsibility for the situations we ourselves have caused by not sticking to what Allah has prescribed. We cannot simply allow ourselves to not abide by Allah's word and then hide behind "allah will fix this". It is important to fear Allah first and foremost, and do what HE has decreed, follow the steps HE has given us as a  remedy to our sorrow, if it is situational, and where we lack courage, we make duah, and ask Allah to give us the strength to do what is right.

 And Allah (Swt) has said ; " And whoever puts his trust

in Allah, then He will suffice him " [ Qur'an , Surah at-talaq ]

As humans, then, we experience sorrow and grief for various reasons. Yet the lesson lies not in what we experience but what we DO about it.
Firstly, we must ask Allah for guidance - istikhaara is one way, His word (Quran) is another, the Sunat of his Nabi (saw) a third, and his chosen leaders in Deen yet another.
Secondly, we must act in accordance with his Allah's decree, we must fear man or woman but do that which Allah has decreed and not allow oppression or become opressors out of fear
Lastly, we must understand that having done ALL which he decrees, THEN we stand in faith, we allow our tawaqul in Allah (our faith and dependence) to make the decision.

Ibn `Ata’illah states, “If you make intense supplication and the timing of the answer is delayed, do not despair of it. His reply to you is guaranteed; but in the way He chooses, not the way you choose, and at the moment He desires, not the moment you desire.” [Ibn `Ata’illah, Hikam]

My tiny amount of experience in life has shown me that truly Allah does not permit sorrow and suffering to continue. We change ourselves, we change IT, or ALLAH steps in and does it for us. Sometimes, the latter is the hardest choice, for "doing nothing" is a choice in itself. And when "nothing" is opted for, Allah truly steps in, and usually his stepping in is radical. Miracles happen, and I've seen them. In my past life I lived a life in which I could not worship with all my heart for an opressor "reigned" over my situation. ALLAH freed me and for that I give him glory and thanks. Yet, even then, I had to take a step, I had to tie my camel, so to speak, I have to DO in order that Allah may DO MORE. I believe Apathy is not rewarded with a divine move - the least we can do is make duah. But when we can ACT - we should. The "rules" so to speak, are simple: Firstly, take no idols, and do what Allah instructs. If he said it, that does it. Let no man or woman affect that move. Secondly, ask Allah what you should do. Thirdly, following HIS instruction and the guidance of his word and his wise saints, ACT. Thirdly, TRUST.

The Messenger of Allah (saw) said " Be Mindful of Allah (Swt) & you will find Him in front of you, Recognize and acknowledge Allah (swt) in times of ease and prosperity , and he will remember you in times of adversity. And know what has passed you by (what you have not attained ) was not going to befall you , and what has befallen you was not going to pass you by. And know that victory comes with patience , relief with affliction , and hardship with ease. [Tirmidhi]

 

For me, the hardest part, sometimes, is to just TRUST. Tawaqul is the equivalent of the christian principle "Be still and know that HE is God." or "Having done all, STAND". Why is it the hardest part? Because as humans, we have needs, and as humans, we are also sometimes afraid of taking certain steps; because those steps may hurt, or because those steps require courage we think we don't have, or because quite simply,we are afraid. At times like this we must ask "are we afraid of flesh and blood?" if this is so, we must push forward, as long as we are holding on to what ALLAH says DO.

So then, the cure for sorrow, is this:
1) UNDERSTAND WHAT GRIEVES YOU
2) BELIEVE EVERYTHING COMES FROM ALLAH, including this test.
3) SEEK ALLAH's ANSWER.
4) ASK OF THOSE WITH WISDOM -There are pious and wise individuals whom Allah has blessed with Kashf (divine guidance) and you will recognise it for if it is of ALlah it does not place anyone except ALLAH upon the Divine throne of ALlah.
5)DO what has been given you to do based on (4)
6) TRUST ALLAH and lean upon HIS WORD
7) LET GO and keep up with duah

All along the above, be wary of whom you associate with, whom you draw guidance from, for verily, Allah is that firm hand-hold which will not let you down. Allah seeks not apathy - he expects you to take a step in faith, to be fair, to seek to know what HE would want you to do. And then, when you have taken ONE step, HE will run to you, insh'Allah.

What then, is Sorrow -
What is that cloud that fills the soul? For a believer, it is a moment of suspended animation during which ALLAH is planning HIS miracle, Targetting the oppressor, or removing obstacles. For those who go againt what he dictates, that cloud is his own personal torment, for Allah will not go against ur personal choice to remain in a place of oppression, and we limit HIM by not allowing his relief.

Truly, everything in the Quran points to the fact that Allah may allow some sorrow, awaiting a move from us, awaiting to see if we are faithful to HIM. And when we are, it is simply a question of time until relief comes, OR we are removed from the source of sorrow. Either way, for the faithful, ALLAH ALWAYS comes through.

Take heart, oh you in sorrow. Take heart, for ALLAH is watching, and ALLAH gives to whom he wills, and for those ungrateful who cause sorrow, the gift is removed and it is given to someone different.

ALLAH is, indeed, the beneficent, the merciful, the kind, the reliever, the avenger, the giver, and the one who takes away, and indeed, Allah does not allow for a soul more than it can bear, and indeed ALLAH allows a test. Will we wallow in sorrow, or will we turn to ALLAH - will we take ONE step, and TRUST, or will we hide in the bushes? Is there a bush behind which he cannot find us? Is there anything we can hide from HIM? No. For all the world, all we have, all we are, is HIS. He gives us choice, and then he acts in accordance with the choice, that HIS WORD stand.

Verily, with hardship, there is relief. (Qur'an 94:6)

As written by http://npmss.blogspot.com/2012/04/verily-with-hardship-there-is-relief.html : “Verily, with hardship, there is relief  (94:6)” "Hardships strengthens your heart, atone for your sins, and help to suppress an inclination towards pride and haughtiness. When you are facing trials and obstacles in your life, do not be despair. Call out to Him and pray to Him. Constantly put Him in your remembrance. When you remember Allah, clouds of worry and fear are driven away, and the mountains that make up your problems are blown away. Do not grieve, for you have Allah to depend on. 
Anas R.A reported from the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace), in what he reported from his Lord, the Mighty and Majestic.
He said, “When the salve comes towards Me a hand-span, I go an arms-length towards him. When he comes towards me an arms-length, I go a fathom towards him. When he comes towards Me walking, I go towards him running” (al-Bukhari).

Masya’Allah, Allah’s love is truly the greatest and purest and could not be compared to anyone’s love.

Our Prophet s.a.w said: "Verily, if Allah loves a people, He makes them go through trials. Whoever is satisfied, for him is contentment, and whoever is angry upon him is wrath." [Tirmidhi]

Therefore do not be in despair: it is impossible for things to remain the same. The days and years rotate, the future is unseen, and everyday Allah has matters to bring forth. You know it not, but it may be that Allah will afterwards bring some new things to pass.
And verily, with hardship there is ease." 

Rights of a Child in Islam

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem


Allah (swt - the almighty) has specified that children in Islam should be granted their rights, by parents, the state and society. Rights to freedom, rights to development and education right to live freely, away from abuse and intoxicants and negative influence. It is the OBLIGATION of every parent to secure this. 

The Quran says: "O mankind! Reverence your Guardian-Lord, who created you from a single person, created, of like nature, his mate, and from this pair scattered (like seeds) countless men and women. Reverence Allah, through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and reverence the wombs (that bore you); for Allah ever watches over you." [Noble Quran 4:1]
 Abu Shuraih Khuwailid bin `Amr Al-Khuza`i (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, "O Allah, I declare inviolable the rights of two weak ones: the orphans and women".
[An-Nasa'i].
Imam Al-Nawawi's Riyad-us-Saliheen writes, as explanation to the above:
The poor are generally treated callously in human society. Women and orphans are regular victims of this cruelty. They are deprived of their share in property to which they are entitled under the Islamic law. In some cases their properties are usurped and they are maltreated at the hands of usurpers. The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) has threatened them with serious consequences to prevent the Muslims from committing such injustice. The attitude of Muslims and the teachings of Islam in this matter are two different things. How can Islam be blamed for the attitude of Muslims? It is time Muslims should understand that Islam is getting a bad name because of their bad conduct. As a result of this they are committing a double crime. On the one hand, they are guilty of usurping others of their legitimate rights and perpetrating cruelties, and on the other, disgracing their religion. In other words, rather than preaching Islam they are creating obstacles in the way of people joining the fold of Islam.   

As I said in the first blog, you get muslims and muslims, like you get christians and christians, but in Islam, the BOOK is the Truth and remains unaltered and everyone will answer for what they have done.

NOWHERE in Islamic teaching does it say a girl should be given less rights than a boy. If you've been brainwashed by media into thinking that Islam supports "women are inferior" you may want to revisit what religion you're actually looking at - Islam has no caste system; that's a different faith; hinduism, among others.

Islam prohibits infanticide or killing of female infants. This is considered a serious crime of murder.

 

Surah Al-Takvir Chapter 81, Verses 8 and 9 (81 : 8-9)
“When the female (infant), buried alive, is questioned, for what crime she was killed.” (17:31), (6:15)

 

Note: In pre-Islamic Arabia killing of female infants was very common and very often the moment a female was born she was buried alive.  Islam not only prohibits female infanticide, but it forbids all types of infanticide, irrespective of whether the infant is a male or female.

 

Surah Al-Anam chapter 6, Verse 151 (6:151).
“Kill not your children on a plea of want. We provide sustenance for you and for them. Come not near shameful deeds, whether open or secret. Take not life which Allah has made sacred.”

 

A similar guidance is repeated in Surah Al-Isra Chapter 17, Verse 31 (17:31).
  “Kill not your children for fear of want: We shall provide sustenance for them as well as for you. Verily the killing of them is a great sin.”

In pre-Islamic Arabia killing of female infants was very common and very often, the moment a female was born, she was buried alive. However, after the spread of Islam in Arabia, Al hamdulillah, this evil practice has been discontinued for the last 1,400 years

More information on female infanticide and WHERE and HOW it occus is available here: http://www.islamawareness.net/FamilyPlanning/Infanticide/fit_article001.html

ISLAM SAYS ABOUT FEMALE CHILDREN: Prophet Muhammad (Pbuh) said, “Anyone who brings up two daughters properly they will be very close to me on the day of Judgment.”

So WHAT ARE THE RIGHTS OF THE CHILD IN ISLAM

If you're looking for "law" written up and translated for today's use, a full transcript is available here. This has been drawn up in an international convention on the rights of the CHILD in Islam -

http://www.oicun.org/uploads/files/convenion/Rights%20of%20the%20Child%20In%20Islam%20E.pdf  (full document here)

I Islam, the state has an obligation to uphold the rights of the child, as members of the society. So here are a few of the rights of the child in Islam:

• No child shall be separated from his/her parents against their will and parents shall not have their rights of guardianship revoked except in cases of extreme necessity, in the interests of the child and with legal justification.
• Even if removed, a child shall not be prevented from enjoying a relationship with their parent
• Every child is capable of forming his/her own personal views  and shall have the right to express these either verbally or in writing, and even in law.
• Every child is entitled to the respect of his/her own personal life/ Islamic and humane supervision of the child shall be subject only to that which is lawful
• Every child has the right to join any peaceful civilian gathering in accordance with legal provision therefore which is compatible to his/her age, disposition, maturity, etc.
• The upbringing of the child is the responsibility of the parent or legal guardian
• The guardians will develop the personality, religious and moral values, sense of citizenship and islamic solidarity of the child so as to instill in him/her a spirit of understanding, dialogue, tolerance, and friendship among peoples.
• The guardians will encourage the child to acquire skills and capabilities to face new situations and overcome negative customs, and to grow up grounded in scientific and objective reasoning
• Every child has a right to free and compulasory basic education, learning the principles of Islamic education AND to the provision of the necessary means to develop his/her mental, psychological and physical abilities so as to allow him/her to be open to the common standards of human culture
• Such compulsory and free primary education is to be provided to ALL children on an equal footing
• Free and compulsory secondary education is to be made available to ALL children, on a progressive basis within 10 years
• Higher education is the right of the individual, while observing the capability and interest of each child, in accordance witht he education system in each state
• Every child has the right to wear clothes compatible with his/her beliefts, while complying to Islamic Sharia, public etiquette and modesty
• All gifted and outstanding children have the right to be taken care of at all stages of education
• The child approaching puberty has the right to proper sec education, distinguishing between the lawful and the unlawful
• The child is entitled to times for rest and play, and to exercise activities suitable to his/her age during this free time
• Every child is entitled to participate in cultural, artistic and social spheres
• Parents have the right to oversee the child while excercising these activities so that these aer within educational, religious and moral frameworks
• Every child is entitled to custody and maintenance
• Every child has the right to benefit from social security in accordance with national laws
• State parties shall be OBLIGED to REDUCE the prices of services and exempt children from tariffs and taxes
• Every child is entitled to a living standard suitable to his/her mental, psychoilogical, physical and social development
• The islamic state shall guarantee for the child MANDATORY MEASURES to compell his/her parents or legal guardians under Shari'a law to offer him/her support according to their abilities
• Every child is entitle to physical and psychological care, achieved through:
• Care for the mother from onset of pregnancy and during natural nursing either by the mother or someone else if the mother is unable to suckle
• His/ her right to necessary measures to REDUCE infant and child mortality rates
• A COMPULSORY medical examination for prospective couple to ensure the absence of contagious and congenital diseases
• The male child has a right to circumcision
• NO parents or other may medically alter the colour, shape, features or sex of the fetus except for medical necessities
• The child has a right to preventative medical care, disease and malnutrition control, and healthcare for the mother
• The child is GUARANTEED the right to be protected from narcotics, intoxicants and other harmful subtances as well as from infectious and endemic diseases (whatever this may require of state or society)
• Disabled children are entitled to receive special care for his/her specific case as per his/her needs, free of charge or with nominal fees
• Disabled children have the right to assistance to be rehabilitated wherever possible, the right to training and the right to medical, psychological, social, education, professional and entertainment needs.
• EVERY child has the right to be PROTECTED FROM:
• illegal use of drugs, intoxicants and participation in their production, promotion or trafficking
• ALL forms of torture or inhumane treatment in ALL circumstances and conditions, smuggling, kidnapping or trafficking of him/her self
• ALL forms of abuse, particularly sexual abuse
• Cultural, ideological, information and communication invasion which contradicts his/her rights within Shari'a or national interests
• NO CHILD SHALL BE OBLIGED TO:
• risky work or work which obstructs his/her education, health or physical or spiritual growth
• a minimum working age, conditions and hours based on maturity - sanctions shall be imposed against those who contravene these regulations
• NO CHILD SHALL BE DEPRIVED OF
• his/her freedom, save in accordance with the law and for a reasonable AND specific period
• his/her freedom - his/her human rights shall be respected and his/her basicfreedoms and needs pertinent to age
• A child MAY be legally detained IN the case of CRIME, but even then:
• A child deprived of rights to freedom (jailed) shall be separated from adults in special places for delinquent children, for a determined period of time
• A child shall be informed immediately about the charges against him/her - the guardians shall be present
• the child shall be provided legal and humanitatian assistance
• a juvenile court
• NO child shall be compelled to plead guilty or to offer testimony
• any punishment shall be for the purposes of REFORM and CARE for re-integration into society
• a minimum age under which the child may not be tried MUST be determined in every case
• Respect for the child's privacy must be maintained throughout
• THe PARENT AND GUARDIAN shall protect the child FROM PRACTICES, and TRADITIONS which are socially or culturally detrimental or harmful to health , negatively affect their dignity or growth, and those leading to discrimination between children on the basis of gender or other grounds

For islamic games and educational online activities, visit http://www.islamicplayground.com/Scripts/default.asp

SO who is taking away her rights? Where is her right to dress as per her faith.. Why does she have a societal right to undress but not to dress as per her faith?..