Chains that bind

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

In cases of abuse, it is not uncommon for the abused to stay in the situation for prolonged periods of time (sometimes indefinately) for reasons ranging from fear of society to fear of the abuser to fears instilled BY the abuser that the children will not be looked after, etc. etc. It is also true as studies have shown that when the abused or abuser leaves for any period of time (or permanently) there is an adjustment period akin to drug withdrawal. Why? Because the victim has become wrapped in the tentacles of oppression so far that when the pressure is off, they have "phantom pains".. the chemicals are out of balance. This is why psychological abuse is worse than physical. Bruises heal. Emotions and the psyche may never recover..

To help victims regain their balance and sense of self-worth one must seek first to help them understand the chains that bind, then let them decide. AFter all, why would they stay? What binds them? These chains that bind are called Traumatic Bonding.

Traumatic bonding is defined as “strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.” (Dutton & Painter, 1981). 

As any abused person will know, the abuser seeks to control, undermine and dictate life (pretty much) to the abused. The cycles of abuse followed by kindness create a cycle of altered chemical states and emotional states, a "rollercoaster" if you will, to which the abused may become accustomed and even, chemically, addicted. Victims "need" the drama, eventually, and this simply contributes to more abuse. One of the biggest lies of the Shaytaan, I believe, is that anyone deserves abuse or anyone must stay in an oppressive environment. I will be posting an article documenting several studies on abuse recently undertaken for men who are abused by their partners. In the meantime, ARE YOU TRAUMATICALLY BONDED? Take this self-help test.. (Copyright to Patrcik Carnes, Ph.D.) Answer yes or no to the questions..

Traumatic Bonding Self Test

By Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.

The following are a series of statements which describe traumatic bonding in which a person bonds on the basis of betrayal. The result is what we call a "betrayal bond". Check each "Yes" response as appropriate.

 

1)Do you obsess about people who have hurt you even through they are long gone?

2)Do you continue to seek contact with people whom you know will cause you further pain?

3)Do you go "overboard" to help people who have been destructive to you?

4)Do you continue to be a "team" member when obviously things are becoming destructive?

5)Do you continue attempts to get people to like you who are clearly using you?

6)Do you trust people again and again who are proven to be unreliable?

7)Are you unable to retreat from unhealthy relationships?

8)Do you try to be understood by those who clearly do not care?

9)Do you choose to stay in conflict with others when it would cost you nothing to walk away?

10)Do you persist in trying to convince people that there is a problem and they are not willing to listen?

....

11)Are you loyal to people who have betrayed you?

12)Do you attract untrustworthy people?

13)Have you kept damaging secrets about exploitation or abuse?

14)Do you continue contact with an abuser who acknowledges no responsibility?

15)Do you find yourself covering up, defending, or explaining a relationship?

16)When there is a constant pattern of non-performance in a relationship, do you continue to expect them to follow through anyway?

17)Do you have repetitive, destructive fights that are no win for anybody?

18)Do you find that others are horrified by something that has happened to you and you are not?

19)Do you obsess about showing someone that they are wrong about you, your relationship, or their treatment of you?

.....

20)Do you feel stuck because you know what the other is doing is destructive, but you believe you cannot do anything about it?

21)Do you feel loyal to someone even though you harbor secrets that are damaging to others?

22)Do you move closer to someone you know is destructive to you even though you do not trust, like or care for the person?

23)Does someone's talents, charisma, or contributions cause you to overlook destructive, exploitive, or degrading acts?

24)Do you find you cannot detach from someone even though you do not trust, like or care for the person?

25)Do you find yourself missing a relationship, even to the point of nostalgia and longing, that was so awful it almost destroyed you?

26)Are extraordinary demands placed on you to measure up as a way to cover up exploitation?

27)Do you keep secret someone's destructive behavior because of all of the good they have done or the importance of their position or career?

28)Does your relationship have contacts or promises that have been broken which you are asked to overlook?

29)Are you attracted to "dangerous" people?

30)Do you stay in a relationship longer than you should?

(PLEASE SEE BELOW FOR FURTHER QUESTIONS)

If you have answered yes to several of these questions, you may want to schedule an initial assessment to explore further any concerns that were raised.

For more information about Insideout Living, Inc. and therapy options, visit

http://www.insideoutlivinginc.org.

Traumatic Bonding Self Test

By Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.

Provided by

Insideout Living, Inc.

1618 Orrington Ave., Ste. 202

Evanston, IL 60201

(847) 328-7588

info@insideoutlivinginc.org


MY QUESTIONS to you, having read the above, are this:

1) Do you fear the abuser more than Allah?
2) Do you believe you will be powerless to help your children because of this abuser? IF so, read question 1 again.
3) Do you fear loosing what you have worked for because of this abuser? IF so, read question 1 again.
4) Do you think there is nothing you can do to get out? IF so, read question 1 again.

5) Do you trust your own ability more than you trust ALLAH?
6) Do you keep hoping things will change, because you don't want to face the alternative, the community, the aloneness? IF so, read question 5 again.
7) Do you fear that its too late to start over? If so, read question 5 again.
8) Do you believe no-one will love you if you let go and walk away? If so, read question 5 again.

9) Do you believe the Shaytaan, or do you believe ALLAH is AL RAHMAAN, AL RAHEEM?
10) Do you fear the abuser will destroy your reputation with your kids/your community/your family? If so, read question 9 again.
11) Do you fear that it will take too long/ be too difficult/ to start over, away from the abuser due to your age/their finances/family/community? If so, read question 9 again.

12) Do you believe the abuser is right about you, do you believe you are worthless, incapable, unable to live/thrive/ have dignity without them? IF SO - YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN YOUR KALIMA,  If ALLAH does not allow oppression, who are YOU to allow it, even over your OWN self, which is given to you in Amaana?

Please note - I am a women. I am not an abuser. Lots of us aren't. Lots of us are. Chose carefully.

ALLAH

QURAN

MUHAMMAD (saw)

HADITH

SUNNAT

then.. subr.. IN THAT ORDER.

NOT under the Mistletoe!

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

There are so many illnesses nowadays, in my opinion often exascerbated by modern chemical-based medicines. There is much that has yet to be discovered in terms of natural cure, for if Allah does not give a hardship without an ease, then it is safe to say that He does does allow an illness without having given us a cure, and the mind to find it, IF we wish to seek HIS healing. Besides duah (and there are many for healing)

Setting aside the pagan use of a herb that has found its way into supposedly christian celebrations in all sorts of wierd, non-Jesus (Essa as) - Mistletoe is not very well known and yet it contains SO much shifa or "healing" .  With all you will find out in this post, I hope you will be convinced that it mistletoe should be "inside, not on top!"

It's botanical name is Viscum Album, and its commonly referred to as European Mistletoe or Bidlime Misletoe. For those who've never seen it, here's a picture: NOTE the leaves - this is NOT HOLLYHOCK with its jagged edges and bright red beads. This is EUROPEAN MISTLETOE!!

 

Mistletoe  is a parasitic plant, actually. It grows on trees and those growing on Oak, Poplar, pines, fir and fruit trees are said to be particularly healing. It looks like a ball of bushy leaved and is actually an extremely important herb. It bears some fruit; whitish sticky berries who's seeds are distributed by birds who eat the fruit but cannot digest the seed. The interesting thing about these seeds, (AllahuAkbar!) is that they simply do not germinate if they are collected and planted - they HAVE to go through a digestive tract before they are able to germinate.

 

Supposed to be "poisonous" (or so dubbed by the pharmaceutical industry) mistletoe has been used since before the middle ages this plant has been held as one that removes evil and in years gone by. In ancient times it was cut by Druids from a tree, using a golden knife. (hmm.. rather Christmassy, don't you think?) Once the leaves and twigs are cut and dried, however, they loose all medicinal healing. The berries, indeed, are poisonous if taken internally. The twigs and leaves are not.

 

It is said by Maria Treben (an old herbalist) that drinking Mistletoe regularly for six months will cause diabetes to lose its original cause and rectify hormonal imbalance. For this, sip on at least 2 cups a day, morning and evening. Many chronic illnesses will benefit from Mistletoe.

 

 

Its benefits:

remedy for epilepsy

remedy for chronic cramps

As an ointment, cures frost bite and chilblains

benefits the entire glandular system

Aids the metabolism

assists the pancreas

Prevents strokes

Treats strokes if taken immediately after  and then regularly - after a stroke, take 3 cups a day for 6 weeks, and 1 cup for 2 weeks. (cup one taken half hour before breakfast, second cup before and ater lunch (half and half) and 2rd cup before and after dinner)

Remedies hardening of the arteries

Staunches blood

stops nose bleeds when used cold, if drawn up into the dose

arrests lung and intestinal bleeding caused by typhoid or dysentry

THE best remedy for heart and circulatory complaints

lowers high blood pressure (gets rid of that annoying buzzing in the ears and visual defects)

raises low blood pressure

Soothes and strengthens the restless heart

Eases stress

treats lethargy and fatigue

treats dizziness and heart flutters

believed to treat LAZINESS!

Cures uterine and menstrual disorders in women

Treats heavy menstruation and bleeding after confinement

Treats heart palpitations

Treats difficulties in breathing

Treats hot flushes and anxiety during menopause

        Maria Treben wrote: "Mistletoe tea, drunk for a few years, brings relief and you will pass through the change

                                                 naturally."

Aids fertility

         Maria Treben wrote: " The fresh juice of Mistletoe, 25 drops in water on an empty stomach before breakfast

                                                and 25 drops in water in the evening before going to bed will remedy barrenness in 

                                                      woman."

 

3 Cups of Mistletoe made as a cold "tea" or infusion and sipped throughout the day will normalize your heart and circulation and guarantees and increased productivity.

 

In general, Mistletoe tea should be drunk for six weeks, once a year; 3 cups for 3 weeks, 2 cups for 2 weeks and 1 cup for 1 week. Blood pressure and circulation will have recovered after this. To keep it that way it is of benefit to keep on drinking 1 cup in the morning for a year.

Maria Treben wrote:
"A gentleman from the district of Mainz (Germany) suffered from low blood pressure for years, sometimes so badly he was unable to work. He had tried different doctors, but still he was no better. He was very sceptical about my advice that Mistletoe lowers high blood pressure and raises low blood pressure. It was April and the Mistletoe still had its healing powers. A few months later, during a talk I gave in Upper Austria, he sat in the first row and told everyone that now his blood pressure was normal."


Some time ago an announcement appeared in the London press that three independently working research groups came to the conclusion that a high percentage of women over 50 years of age developed cancer of the breast, if they have, for treatment of high blood pressure, taken blood pressure reducing medication over a long period.
Why take this risk, when we have our valuable Mistletoe? Lately, Mistletoe is used medicinally to counteract and prevent cancer.

DIRECTIONS: Infusion: Mistletoe tea is made as a cold infusion. A heaped teaspoon of Mistletoe is soaked in 1/4 litre of cold water overnight, the next morning slightly warmed and strained. If a larger amount per day is needed, the tea is kept in a thermos flask that has been rinsed with hot water, or warmed in a water bath each time.
Tincture: This is bought as a preparation.
Fresh juice: Fresh leaves and twigs are washed and, still wet, put into the juice extractor.
Ointment: The fresh berries of the Mistletoe are stirred into the cold lard (used for chilblains).

Source: Maria Treben's book "Health through God's Pharmacy"

Understanding BULLIES

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Another superb article from heart2heart. In order to live lives with some sense of sanity, its critical that we understand how it is that bullies yield the power that they do! Heart2heart offers incredible insight into these personality deviant individuals and is intelligently and authoratatively written. DO visit their website or refer anyone to them who is being bullied - parents of bullied children, employees being bullied and/or abused spouses can learn a great deal from this site! All credit to  http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/save-yourself/bully-primer-5.htm (the pictures between are my own addition)

 The 4 Primary Types of Bullies

Profiling serial bullies... The profile of a serial bully covers the most commonly-reported behaviours of serial bullies. From casework, Tim Field has been able to identify four primary types of serial bully.
The bully wants to enjoy the benefits of living in the adult world, but is unable and unwilling to accept the responsibilities that go with enjoying the benefits of the adult world.

The Attention-Seeker

Motivation: to be the centre of attention
Mindset: control freak, manipulation, narcissism
Malice: medium to high; when held accountable, very high

• emotionally immature
• selectively friendly - is sickly sweet to some people, rude and offhand to others, and ignores the rest
• is cold and aggressive towards anyone who sees them for what they really are or exposes their strategies for gaining attention
• overfriendly with their new target, especially in the initial stages of a new working relationship
• overhelpful, ditto
• overgenerous, ditto
• manipulative of people's perceptions, but in an amateur and childish manner
• manipulative with guilt, ditto
• sycophantic, fawning, toadying
• uses flattery to keep a person in authority on side
• everything is a drama, usually a poor-me drama
• prefers not to solve problems in own life so that they can be used and re-used for gaining sympathy and attention
• capitalises on issues and uses them as a soapbox for gaining attention
• exploits others' suffering and grief as a vehicle for gaining attention
• misappropriates others' statements, eg anything which can be misconstrued as politically incorrect, for control and attention-seeking
• excusitis, makes excuses for everything
• shows a lot of indignation, especially when challenged
• lots of self-pity
• often as miserable as sin, apart from carefully constructed moments of charm when in the act of deceiving
• demanding of others
• easily provoked
• feigns victimhood when held accountable, usually by bursting into tears or claiming they're the one being bullied and harassed
• presents as a false victim when outwitted
• may feign exclusion, isolation or persecution
• malicious
• constantly tries and will do almost anything to be in the spotlight
• includes Munchausen Syndrome
• the focus of their life is to be the centre of attention

The Wannabe

Motivation: craves respect for being competent and professional despite lacking in competence and professionalism
Mindset: deceptive
Malice: low to medium; when held accountable, medium to high

• similar to the attention-seeker
• is one of life's chronic underperformers and is best described as ineffectual in everything
• craves undeserved respect and attention and will go to considerable lengths to acquire them
• hangs around the fringes of a profession
• not professionally qualified but claims they are a professional because they sit next to a professional or work alongside or near or in the midst of professionals, or provide services to professionals
• lacks the ability, competence and professionalism to be a qualified professional
• wants so much to be seen as competent professional person but is unable and unwilling to put in the work to achieve this
• is unable and unwilling to apply knowledge gained from experience but instead devotes time and effort to improving skills of deception, manipulation, false claim, denial and projection
• may have been rejected by their chosen profession for lack of competence
• is spiteful towards and despises anyone who is qualified in the profession from which the bully has been excluded by virtue of lack of competence
• is likely to be vilifying the profession they want to belong to or which they're claiming to be part of or which they are claiming to represent
• displays a deep-seated envy and jealousy of the professionals that he or she works alongside or claims to serve
• harbours a bitter resentment, grudge, distaste and contempt for the professionals that he or she works alongside or claims to serve
• is likely to be criticising, condemning, disadvantaging and causing detriment to the professionals he or she works alongside or claims to serve
• may seek positions of power over the professionals he or she works alongside or claims to serve, perhaps to facilitate a compulsion to criticise, condemn, disadvantage and cause detriment
• is irresistibly drawn to organisations, roles and positions which offer the wannabe power and control over the professionals s/he despises (eg inspection regimes, approval roles, regulatory bodies, ticksheet compliance schemes, political correctness police, trade union official, etc) - and is often described as a talentless jobsworth
• when in a position of power associates with and makes alliances with or surrounds him or herself with clones, drones, minions, fellow wannabes, sycophants and brown-nosers
• instinctively objects to any suggestion of change, reform, improvement, progress or evolution, but has no viable or positive alternatives of their own
• opposes every idea, suggestion, opinion, contribution or reform on principle but has no original, positive, constructive ideas or contributions of his or her own
• is likely to plagiarise and steal others' ideas which are then put forward as their own
• may place undue emphasis or reliance on an old, minor or irrelevant qualification to bolster their claim of belonging to or deserving to belong to a profession
• may claim ambiguous or misleading or bogus or fraudulent qualifications, associations and experience
• displays a superior sense of entitlement because they associate with or serve higher performers
• emotionally immature
• controlling
• easily provoked
• when challenged is adept at rewriting history to portray themselves as competent, professional and successful, regardless of multiple witnesses and overwhelming evidence to the contrary
• quickly and loudly feigns victimhood when exposed and held accountable, often repeatedly and loudly accusing the person holding them accountable of being a bully
• when held accountable makes conflicting and contradictory threats and demands (eg demands apology but orders the other person not to communicate with them)
• when held accountable makes lots of loud but empty threats (eg of legal action such as libel, slander, defamation etc)
• only carries out threats of legal action when in the presence of a superior serial bully, especially a sociopath type
• may indulge their jealousy and envy of professionals or those they claim to serve by pursuing vindictive vendettas, sometimes with the help of a superior serial bully, especially a sociopath type
• is easily manipulated and controlled by a superior serial bully
• female wannabes may be arch bullies (some people might call them puppetmasters or queen bees)
• may surround herself with drones of the opposite sex
• may exploit some perceived vulnerability in self to ensure drone loyalty
• gives the appearance of loyalty to drones but will discard them when they've served their purpose
• is likely to have affairs to gain power, status or position

The Guru

Motivation: task focused
Mindset: confusion, inability to understand how others think and feel
Malice: zero to low; when held accountable, low to medium (it's often the absence of malice that identifies a guru type of serial bully) but could be medium to high if narcissistic or psychopathic traits are present

• often successful in their narrow field of expertise
• regarded as an expert
• valued by the employer because s/he brings in the money, status etc
• ruthlessly pursues objectives regardless of the cost
• ruthless determination to succeed
• can be successful over the medium term in their field
• task focused
• zero people skills
• control freak
• mainly but not exclusively male
• often has a favourite who receives extra attention but who is expected to reciprocate with sycophancy
• favours, protects and promotes non-threatening sycophants whilst marginalizing and hindering the advancement of those with higher levels of competence, especially in people skills
• apt to betray those formerly favoured, especially when the favoured person starts to show independence of thought or action, or starts to receive more attention or become more popular than their mentor
• a male Guru in a position of power may exhibit inappropriate sexual conduct
• gauche, aggressive and unpleasant but not evil
• may not be overtly attention-seeking but dislikes those around them getting more attention than they're getting, or getting attention which doesn't include the bully
• selfish, self-centred, self-opinionated, dogmatic and thoughtless and with a tendency to pontificate
• apt to throw temper tantrums when things don't go well or can't get their own way
• emotionally immature, perhaps emotionless, sometimes cold and frigid
• convincingly intellectualises feelings to compensate for emotional immaturity
• intelligent (often highly) but lacks common sense
• is happy to lie to suit own purposes
• can have a rigid routine
• does not accept responsibility for their own behavior
• blames others for own inadequacies
• refuses to recognise that they could have any shortcomings of their own
• does not live in the present
• usually extremely neat (for example, desk is always clear)
• organized (sometimes overly)
• tempts fate but always gets away with it
• has stereotypical ideas about gender roles (though this may not be expressed consciously)
• makes assumptions about others' thoughts
• does not follow social rules, for example may display bad table manners in public
• appears unable and unwilling to engage in and sustain small talk
• seems unaware of the nature and purpose of rapport
• seems to exhibit some symptoms similar to autism, although autistic people tend to be shy, introspective and lack manipulative skills and are usually the targets of bullying, not the perpetrators (it's unknown whether there might be a common cause or whether the similarities are just a superficial coincidence) [more on autism]
• appears unable to read people and their thoughts and especially feelings
• when held accountable exhibits genuine confusion as to why their behaviour is inappropriate
• in cases where malice is low or absent the person my be regarded as somewhat avuncular or mildly jovial or charismatic in nature
• likes the appearance of normalcy but rejects responsibilities of relationships
• is unable to comprehend or meet the emotional needs of others
• often puts work and duty above everything, including relationships
• makes power plays, for example leaves the room when someone is speaking, or pretends not to hear and constantly asking a person to repeat what they just said, etc
• doesn't share information about self (thoughts, insights, etc) and is not open to receiving this type of information from others (allegedly knows it all already) secretive
• possessive of objects and sometimes people
• may view people as objects (this enables controlling behaviour of other people)
• thinks of self as superior and above the law / rules / regulations etc (these only apply to other people)
• uses denial as a defence mechanism
• there are likely to be problems with succession

The Socialised Psychopath or Sociopath

Motivation: power, gratification, personal gain, survival
Mindset: manipulation, deception, evil
Malice: high to very high; when held accountable, off the scale
Also known as the corporate psychopath, workplace psychopath, industrial psychopath and administrative psychopath.

• Jekyll & Hyde personality
• always charming and beguilingly plausible, especially to those who are capable of protecting or enhancing the sociopath's position
• excels at deception (this must never be underestimated, but always is)
• excels at evasion of accountability
• is extremely and successfully manipulative of people's perceptions and emotions (eg guilt and anger)
• silver-tongued, has an extreme verbal facility and can outwit anybody (including a top barrister) in verbal conflict
• will often engineer himself or herself into a position of authority as gatekeeper of the organisation and thus the person through whom all information must flow, and the person to whom all requests for services must be referred - which he or she then takes delight in denying
• is adept at offering weak and inadequate people the positions of power, control, security, influence or respect that they crave but who lack the necessary competencies to achieve - such people are unaware that their consequent dependence on the sociopath makes them permanent manipulatees, pawns and expendable agents of harassment
• identifies those essential to the sociopath's survival and manipulates their perceptions them by making them feel special and thus obligated to reciprocate with support and protection
• manipulates others into making fools of themselves in situations where they cannot back down or from which they cannot withdraw - these people become increasingly susceptible to further manipulation and are then trapped as pawns in the sociopath's game
• is likely to be surrounded by people who, having been subjected to control, manipulation and punishment by the sociopath, look wretched and who start to exhibit behaviour best described as disordered, dysfunctional, sullen, aggressive, defensive, hostile, retaliatory, counterproductive or cult-like and for whom disbelief, disavowal and denial are instinctive responses
• creates an environment where levels of denial are so great that those involved are oblivious of the foolishness and self-evident absurdity of their denials when presented with the facts, with the result that non-involved observers are led to question whether such levels of denial merit psychiatric intervention
• is contemptuous of disrepute to their organisation and of collateral damage and of the destructive consequences for all direct and indirect parties
• is always surrounded by and leaves behind a trail of dysfunctional organisations, destroyed businesses, ruined careers, stress breakdowns and unexplained suicides
• despite a trail of devastation to individuals, organisations, families and communities, the actions of a socialised psychopath may go undetected or unrecognised for years
• a history of conducting frivolous, vexatious and malicious legal actions, especially (but not exclusively) against anyone who can recognise the sociopath for what he is
• only after the sociopath is exposed and relieved of position, or they move on, can the full depth of their destructive behaviour be fathomed and the consequences calculated
• is skilled at identifying, undermining, discrediting, neutralising and destroying anyone who can see through the sociopath's mask of sanity
• at all times restricts the actions and rights of others (especially those holding the sociopath accountable) whilst aggressively protecting his or her right to do anything without being hampered by social norms or legal requirements
• pursues endless vindictive vendettas against anyone perceived as a threat or who attempts, knowingly or unknowingly, to identify or reveal or expose the sociopath, or who makes efforts to hold the sociopath accountable
• is adept at appropriating rules, regulations, procedures and law to manipulate, control and punish accusers regardless of relevance, logic, facts or consequences
• persists in and pursues vindictive vendettas using self-evidently false evidence or information, even after this is brought to the attention of the sociopath
• will often manipulate minor bullies of the Wannabe type (who on their own might or would not merit the label 'serial bully') into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas
• is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment
• gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict
• once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction
• revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress
• when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish
• is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto their accusers
• is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath
• has no limits on his or her vindictiveness
• the need to control, manipulate and punish develops into an obsession with many of the hallmarks of an addiction
• is skilled at mimicry and can plausibly and spontaneously regurgitate all the latest management jargon
• exhibits minimal professional skill level and competency
• exploits his or her intelligence to excel at talentless mediocrity
• is always identifying the behaviours and strategies to which other people respond with the desired effect
• is able to anticipate and credibly say what people want to hear
• is easily able to win people over before betraying them or deceiving them or ripping them off
• easily manipulates and bewitches an immature or naive or vulnerable or emotionally needy person to be their spokesperson or agent of aggression
• exploits anyone who has a vulnerability
• is pushy and extremely persuasive
• is sexually inadequate and sexually abusive
• is likely to protect anyone accused of or suspected of sexual abuse of pedophile activity, and will frustrate or obstruct investigations into that person
• maybe associating with, or actively involved in, abuse or pedophile activity
• has no emotions, no emotional processing capability and no ability to understand other's emotions
• is incapable of understanding, initiating or sustaining intimacy
• the male sociopath has often convinced a string of women to feel they are in love with him and despite being treated abominably they blindly continue to be loyal to him and minister willingly to his every demand
• may start projects with apparent enthusiasm and energy but quickly loses interest
• frequently takes unnecessary and uncalculated risks but takes no account of consequences
• is reckless and untrustworthy with money
• is likely to be illegally diverting or siphoning off significant sums of money to his or her own budget, project, account or cause
• is unreliable and untrustworthy in every facet of life
• is likely to be leaking confidential information or secrets to third parties
• is likely to have committed or be committing criminal or near-criminal offences, eg fraud, embezzlement, deception
• is likely to have committed or be committing breaches of harassment and discrimination law, employment law, contract law, etc
• disregards rules, regulations, Health and Safety requirements, professional standards, codes of conduct and legal requirements, etc
• cannot comprehend the deeper semantic meaning of language and is thus unable to understand or appreciate metaphor, hyperbole, irony, satire etc (these elicit either zero response or a hostile response)
• likes, seeks, enjoys and relies on procedure, ritual and ritualistic practices
• through arrogant overconfidence takes increasingly risky chances and eventually overplays their hand or makes a mistake which leads to the sociopath revealing him or herself
• exhibits parasitical behaviour, takes everything and gives nothing
• grabs headline credit for minimal, flukey or other peoples' success whilst surviving off the backs of manipulatees who are exclusively blamed for all failures
• rarely blinks, may have stary scary eyes that cut right through you, or may avoid eye contact completely
• is callous, cold and calculating
• is devious, clever and cunning
• is ruthless in the extreme
• regards people as objects and playthings to be discarded when surplus to requirements
• displays zero empathy
• completely without conscience, remorse and guilt
• malicious and evil
• Continue reading this article about bullies...

[ Types of Serial Bullies © by Bully Online - Tim Field. Thank you for making this information available ]

START AT THE END LINK  - - - - - - -"Continue reading"

Broken hearts & mended souls

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Sorrow

Like clouds above, a billion drops of water,
drawn from the belly of the earth
toiling beneath the heat of the sun.

Sorrow, clouds on the soul,
a well that fills from the heart
drawn by the heat of trials,
a million moments of sadness,
drawn too by times of hopes too fragile to survive,
under a thousand suns of oposition;
hopes illusionary as a million moons
casting their shadow upon the lakes of dreams.

Clouds above, the driving rain,
Clouds within, the storm unnoticed brews,
that trial of fire bursts forth through a damn
that no longer can contain their driving force.
Clouds above, the rainstorm comes,
washing cleansing, settling deep.
Clouds within, the storm that grows,
that fights, and eventually - turns within

copyright@2012YesI'mMuslimDealwithIt


Can you die of a broken heart?

However you may see sorrow, wether as an expression of sadness, continued problems, or a response of grief, or a situational reaction, sorrow is instrumental in setting off the natural stress response in the body. In other words, the body's autonomic nervous system becomes extra alert and this causes the release of steroid hormones that prepare the body for action. (fight or flight). Sometimes, there is the "last straw" and sometimes it is a continuous wearing down of the individual. What sets in, then, as a result of this stress?

• Fatigue,
• Listlessness
• Lack of energy
• An increase in pulse and blood pressure
• Increased nervous activity
• Weakening of the eyes 

Sorrow causes real physiological damage - Anyone who has wept themselves to sleep knows the painful sand in the eyes, the headaches, the nausea, etc. etc. that sorrow can cause. It certainly leads to a fall in the activity of lymphocytes in white blood cells,  for instance, and more gravely a wearing thin of the heart muscle. Sorrow can rob us not just of quality of life, but of life itself - since white blood cells are an important component of the body’s self-defense mechanism, the situation may lead to opportunistic infections like colds and other minor infections. Some may call this psychosomatic, but it isn't. Real sorrow can actually cause the individual to "Die of a broken heart" - People who actually die due to excessive grief often die due to an increased risks of aggravation of pre-existing conditions like diabetes and hypertension, or even heart failure. Pain is felt more strongly, and so individuals already suffering from painful and chronic health problems ranging from arthritis to lungs to heart conditions may experience an exascerbation.

"What is “stress cardiomyopathy?”
Stress cardiomyopathy, also referred to as the “broken heart syndrome,” is a condition in which intense emotional or physical stress can cause rapid and severe heart muscle weakness (cardiomyopathy). This condition can occur following a variety of emotional stressors such as grief (e.g. death of a loved one), fear, extreme anger, and surprise. It can also occur following numerous physical stressors to the body such as stroke, seizure, difficulty breathing (such as a flare of asthma or emphysema), or significant bleeding. " (reference: Hopkins Medicine, online)

The quran and sorrow:


Studies are showing what the Quran has said from the beginning - that sorrow truly does impact the body in many ways:

And he turned away from them, and said, ‘Ah, how great is my grief for Joseph.’  And his eyes turned white because of the sorrow that he choked within him.” (12: 84)

When one is upright, and seeks Allah's pleasure Allah does not allow suffering to continue indefinately. Even in the case of Jacoob (Jacob, as) - for Allah gave healing, eventually setting Jacoob free from sorrow..hence:

“So, when the caravan set forth, their father ( Jacob ) said, ‘surely I perceive Yousof’s scent, unless you think me doting’. They said; ‘By Allah, you are certainly in your ancient error.’ But when the bearer of good tidings came  to him, and laid it (Yousof's shirt) on his face, forthwith he saw once again.  He said; ‘Did I not tell you I know from Allah that you know not?’ (12: 94-96)

Take heart, for Allah does not allow sorrow to extend forever. He either takes the cause away  or removes you from what is causing IT.  For this reason the quran tells us that Allah does not "give a soul more than it can bear". It is important to note that everyone has a choice in their circumstances, to continue in them or change them with Allah's help. Where oppression makes it impossible for someone to change the circumstances, Allah always steps in. In his divine time,  but always. Sometimes, we experience sorrow or grief as a result of our own choices, sometimes, sorrow or grief comes as a result of the choices of others, and sometimes it comes as a result of a divine decree regarding death of a loved one. We cannot simply state "Allah will set things right" without taking responsibility for the situations we ourselves have caused by not sticking to what Allah has prescribed. We cannot simply allow ourselves to not abide by Allah's word and then hide behind "allah will fix this". It is important to fear Allah first and foremost, and do what HE has decreed, follow the steps HE has given us as a  remedy to our sorrow, if it is situational, and where we lack courage, we make duah, and ask Allah to give us the strength to do what is right.

 And Allah (Swt) has said ; " And whoever puts his trust

in Allah, then He will suffice him " [ Qur'an , Surah at-talaq ]

As humans, then, we experience sorrow and grief for various reasons. Yet the lesson lies not in what we experience but what we DO about it.
Firstly, we must ask Allah for guidance - istikhaara is one way, His word (Quran) is another, the Sunat of his Nabi (saw) a third, and his chosen leaders in Deen yet another.
Secondly, we must act in accordance with his Allah's decree, we must fear man or woman but do that which Allah has decreed and not allow oppression or become opressors out of fear
Lastly, we must understand that having done ALL which he decrees, THEN we stand in faith, we allow our tawaqul in Allah (our faith and dependence) to make the decision.

Ibn `Ata’illah states, “If you make intense supplication and the timing of the answer is delayed, do not despair of it. His reply to you is guaranteed; but in the way He chooses, not the way you choose, and at the moment He desires, not the moment you desire.” [Ibn `Ata’illah, Hikam]

My tiny amount of experience in life has shown me that truly Allah does not permit sorrow and suffering to continue. We change ourselves, we change IT, or ALLAH steps in and does it for us. Sometimes, the latter is the hardest choice, for "doing nothing" is a choice in itself. And when "nothing" is opted for, Allah truly steps in, and usually his stepping in is radical. Miracles happen, and I've seen them. In my past life I lived a life in which I could not worship with all my heart for an opressor "reigned" over my situation. ALLAH freed me and for that I give him glory and thanks. Yet, even then, I had to take a step, I had to tie my camel, so to speak, I have to DO in order that Allah may DO MORE. I believe Apathy is not rewarded with a divine move - the least we can do is make duah. But when we can ACT - we should. The "rules" so to speak, are simple: Firstly, take no idols, and do what Allah instructs. If he said it, that does it. Let no man or woman affect that move. Secondly, ask Allah what you should do. Thirdly, following HIS instruction and the guidance of his word and his wise saints, ACT. Thirdly, TRUST.

The Messenger of Allah (saw) said " Be Mindful of Allah (Swt) & you will find Him in front of you, Recognize and acknowledge Allah (swt) in times of ease and prosperity , and he will remember you in times of adversity. And know what has passed you by (what you have not attained ) was not going to befall you , and what has befallen you was not going to pass you by. And know that victory comes with patience , relief with affliction , and hardship with ease. [Tirmidhi]

 

For me, the hardest part, sometimes, is to just TRUST. Tawaqul is the equivalent of the christian principle "Be still and know that HE is God." or "Having done all, STAND". Why is it the hardest part? Because as humans, we have needs, and as humans, we are also sometimes afraid of taking certain steps; because those steps may hurt, or because those steps require courage we think we don't have, or because quite simply,we are afraid. At times like this we must ask "are we afraid of flesh and blood?" if this is so, we must push forward, as long as we are holding on to what ALLAH says DO.

So then, the cure for sorrow, is this:
1) UNDERSTAND WHAT GRIEVES YOU
2) BELIEVE EVERYTHING COMES FROM ALLAH, including this test.
3) SEEK ALLAH's ANSWER.
4) ASK OF THOSE WITH WISDOM -There are pious and wise individuals whom Allah has blessed with Kashf (divine guidance) and you will recognise it for if it is of ALlah it does not place anyone except ALLAH upon the Divine throne of ALlah.
5)DO what has been given you to do based on (4)
6) TRUST ALLAH and lean upon HIS WORD
7) LET GO and keep up with duah

All along the above, be wary of whom you associate with, whom you draw guidance from, for verily, Allah is that firm hand-hold which will not let you down. Allah seeks not apathy - he expects you to take a step in faith, to be fair, to seek to know what HE would want you to do. And then, when you have taken ONE step, HE will run to you, insh'Allah.

What then, is Sorrow -
What is that cloud that fills the soul? For a believer, it is a moment of suspended animation during which ALLAH is planning HIS miracle, Targetting the oppressor, or removing obstacles. For those who go againt what he dictates, that cloud is his own personal torment, for Allah will not go against ur personal choice to remain in a place of oppression, and we limit HIM by not allowing his relief.

Truly, everything in the Quran points to the fact that Allah may allow some sorrow, awaiting a move from us, awaiting to see if we are faithful to HIM. And when we are, it is simply a question of time until relief comes, OR we are removed from the source of sorrow. Either way, for the faithful, ALLAH ALWAYS comes through.

Take heart, oh you in sorrow. Take heart, for ALLAH is watching, and ALLAH gives to whom he wills, and for those ungrateful who cause sorrow, the gift is removed and it is given to someone different.

ALLAH is, indeed, the beneficent, the merciful, the kind, the reliever, the avenger, the giver, and the one who takes away, and indeed, Allah does not allow for a soul more than it can bear, and indeed ALLAH allows a test. Will we wallow in sorrow, or will we turn to ALLAH - will we take ONE step, and TRUST, or will we hide in the bushes? Is there a bush behind which he cannot find us? Is there anything we can hide from HIM? No. For all the world, all we have, all we are, is HIS. He gives us choice, and then he acts in accordance with the choice, that HIS WORD stand.

Verily, with hardship, there is relief. (Qur'an 94:6)

As written by http://npmss.blogspot.com/2012/04/verily-with-hardship-there-is-relief.html : “Verily, with hardship, there is relief  (94:6)” "Hardships strengthens your heart, atone for your sins, and help to suppress an inclination towards pride and haughtiness. When you are facing trials and obstacles in your life, do not be despair. Call out to Him and pray to Him. Constantly put Him in your remembrance. When you remember Allah, clouds of worry and fear are driven away, and the mountains that make up your problems are blown away. Do not grieve, for you have Allah to depend on. 
Anas R.A reported from the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace), in what he reported from his Lord, the Mighty and Majestic.
He said, “When the salve comes towards Me a hand-span, I go an arms-length towards him. When he comes towards me an arms-length, I go a fathom towards him. When he comes towards Me walking, I go towards him running” (al-Bukhari).

Masya’Allah, Allah’s love is truly the greatest and purest and could not be compared to anyone’s love.

Our Prophet s.a.w said: "Verily, if Allah loves a people, He makes them go through trials. Whoever is satisfied, for him is contentment, and whoever is angry upon him is wrath." [Tirmidhi]

Therefore do not be in despair: it is impossible for things to remain the same. The days and years rotate, the future is unseen, and everyday Allah has matters to bring forth. You know it not, but it may be that Allah will afterwards bring some new things to pass.
And verily, with hardship there is ease." 

Happy Islamic New Year!

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem


Tonight, the 14th of November 2012, marks the Islamic New Year. The Islamic Calendar is a Lunar Calendar. It is a time when the new year commences. How apt, then, I think it is, to speak of the passing of the year and how quickly time flies. How quickly, indeed, life flies. When we least expect it, it's over. Islam is not a faith that ignores death or lives in denial of it. If anything, death is seen as a part of life, an inevitable closure in the many chapters of each person's existance.

Today, in celebration of life, I want to talk about death. Yes, that's right. I've thought about it and that's what I want to talk about, because I believe that how someone dies is reflective of how they lived, but how they are treated by muslims UPON death is reflective of ISLAM..


My idea of death now that I am muslim is so very different to when I was not. I lost my grandfather when I was young, and after that quite a few family members and friends. My best friend passed away from cancer in my last year of schooling. Death was traumatic. When I first reverted to Islam (came to Islam, coverted to Islam), my dear friend and sister, Fathima Moola was ill. She became progressively ill, and told me that as a child her mother had requested she, Fathima, tend to her body upon her demise. Fathima then proceeded to ask me, as "the child she never had" if I would be there to tend to her body when she passed away.  I was shocked!! I couldn't, at the time, imagine anything more horrific. A dead body? And that too of someone I loved?? No, no, no! Seeing my friend in my last year of senior schooling lying in that coffin had been so traumatic, how would I face seeing - no - touching - the body of this dear friend who was like a mother to me? After much rebutting, I had no choice but to agree, thinking she would recover and I wouldn't have to face that anytime soon.

But the time to face my fears came sooner than I thought. Within just over 3 years, Fathima would pass away. I remembered my promise to her, and although I grappled against it, I finally summoned up the courage to call up her sister and told her of my promise.

In Islamic communities, death is a community affair. Deaths are broadcast so that anyone who hears might pray for the one who has passed and the family who stays behind. Anyone who knew the person will usually flock to the place of the "Mayet" (where the goodbyes are said and prayers are done) and in this case the numbers were massive - Fathima was dearly loved.

I drove an hour to the venue of the "ghusl" or body preparation, which to me looked like a hall, and was greeted with as much warmth by the women as always despite the sorrow (if not more). There were no men there, since this was the passing of a woman. I was led, along with a small group of close family, to a room which looked like any "ghusl room". Usually, these rooms have a surgery-type metalic bed with a water catchment area beneath it. The women busied themselves preparing the annoitment water, praying for the deceased. The room filled with the fragrance of (real, not synthetic) myrrh, frankincense, and camphor. In these preparations, usually hot water is poured over the "bed" to ensure the comfort of the deceased, as we muslims believe that the soul hovers near, and the body "feels".

Many things are known concerning the miracles that happen during ghusl, or preparation for burial. It is advised that we not speak of the dead or the events wether good or bad, so for the purposes of this explanation I will limit myself as far as possible to the ritual aspect and my personal feelings. Once the body arrives, only women touch a women's body and only men will touch a man's. The body is gently taken by the family of women or men from its container and placed upon the surgical bed. At this point it is usually still wrapped from the morgue and before it is unwrapped those present put on their surgical gloves and the dear one is covered in soft towels to ensure the privacy of the deceased. All this time, praying is taking place, and those present speak to the deceased as though alive, telling them all the wonderful things they feel about that person, taking the opportunity to say goodbye, sometimes kissing the hands or the face. There's always someone who stays near the face, speaking to the deceased, words of peace and love and kindness.

The wrapping is removed as prayers are recited by all those present, taking great care not to expose the aura of the person. In other words, that which a muslim ought to cover in life, remains covered in death. For a woman, it is the body from neck to ankles to wrists. For a man, it is from the navel to the knee. Working under the towels, the family washes the dear one carefully, with the softest sponges or cloths or their very own hands, gently and respectfully as you would with someone beloved and highly respected. Different prayers are recited as the deceased family member is gently seated up so that the bowels are emptied automatically and the excess washed away with warm water. Only the closest family member will ensure the cleanliness of private parts, and all the time these remain covered. Anyone present is encouraged to look away, respectfully, and to soothe the beloved one with words of kindness, love and respect.

Once thoroughly cleaned (including ears, nose, mouth) and prayers spoken and words of love shared, those present also reminisce with the dear one and sometimes with one another, remembering always the good things, again kindly and with words of love and well wishes. It is time to perfume the dear one and this is done by each person present. Usually, an expert is on hand who takes the lead and guides the family or friends in what and how to perform the ghusl (bath) for burial. Once perfumed, the white sheets known as Kaffan are brought. These are new, crisp, and perfectly white. There are specific instructions for wrapping or shrouding the dear one, and this is where a leader is very helpful. It is important that as the wrapping takes place, no part of the body is exposed which would, in life, be disrespectful to the dear one. The face is left open for a little while whilst goodbyes are said and last prayers are made, asking of Allah that the dear one enter Jannat ul firdous, the highest stations of paradise. Then, the face is closed off, and a woman is covered with an additional sheet to protect any mourners from seeing the shape of her body, a modesty which a muslim woman guards carefully in life.

Taken to what I can only refer to as "the place of goodbyes", the dear one is transported to (usually) the home of a close relative which is large enough to accomodate the volumes of people that will come to pay their respects and still separate women from men, it is laid down on the floor near the closest relatives. Buckets of prayer beads and prayer books are available for visitors, as anyone may come; the only request is for prayer.

A final Salaat is read, known as the Janaazah salaat. You may know muslims pray 5 times a day. These are not prayers of request, but prayers of worship. They are known as "salaat". Simplistically, this is a "final salaat".
An elder or prayer leader will also at some point recite special duahs that are reserved for this occasion, and it is evident from everyone present that this is a time of closure, of goodbyes, of well-wishes with love, kindness and respect. Then, the face is uncovered so that ONLY the family may say their final goodbyes before the dear one is transported in its state of purity and blessed by prayers - by male family members  - to the graveyard and gently lowered to the grave, where the muslim is buried facing Mecca, the place where Abraham (Ibraheem as) first built an altar, the place of pilgrimage, and the direction of all muslim prayers. The spouse may not touch the dear one, but may also say their goodbyes, often and usually held, hugged and loved by those present. Mourning is a time not of solitude but of companionship of fellow muslims, who will come daily to feed, help, love and pray with the family that remains behind.

Until the day we die, no-one present at any ghusl or burial "bath" will discuss the condition of the body or the miracles which happen behind those closed doors (and they DO happen). What I may say, is that it is an experience which cemented in me the reality that THIS is the way I want to "go". THIS is the kindest, sweetest, most loving act of closure and send-off to paradise , insh'Allah, which any human would desire. Non muslims are not permitted in the ghusl bath, as they would not know the prayers, and quite frankly in my opinion having come from a non-muslim background, they may quite simply not be accustomed to the level of self-restraint and kindness that can be shown so someone who is, crudely put, no more.
What I may also say, is that I spent many years seeking closure for the family and friends I lost outside Islam, yet within Islam, I have lost the fear of death as I knew it before. Now, a "corpse" to me is a friend, a dear one, someone once loved, still loved, who'se life and contribution to the lives of others is never forgotten.

When speaking of the dead, one should always speak only of the good - this is Islamic Etiquette. One should avoid speaking ill of the dead.

And so, this year, too, has come to an end. I thank Allah for the goodness in it. I beseech Him to forgive me for any sins committed in it, and I ask of Allah only goodness, victory, and good deeds in the New Year. Not because the deeds get me to heaven, but because I love Allah, I love my Nabi (peace be unto him), and I am humbled to have my eternal salvation in the hand of ONE so beneficent and Merciful as HE who instructed us to treat even the dead with such respect. Ya Allah, have mercy on this poor sinner, use all that I am for YOUR goodness and for kindness, use ALL that I can for illumination of this world filled with such darkness and disrespect, and use ALL that I am to plant seeds of freedom from hurt, from pain, and from fear, insh'Allah, ameen.

May this New Islamic Year set right the affairs that need righting, remove that which needs removing, bring that which needs bringing, and bring freedom of hearts and minds to prostrate before the Creator. Submission, is freedom, you ask? Well, if the above does not depict freedom from fear, from sadness, from anxiety, from loneliness, and it refers to DEATH, then what is it, if you are not muslim, that you may be missing of the many beauties of ISLAM that refer to LIFE?

Subhannallah!! La Ilaha Il Allah. Oh Allah convey peace and blessings and my humblest salaams to your Nabi, who brought to us such a level of kindness in every aspect of our life. Death, is humbling, but it needn't be frightening.

"I am not gone, I have just stepped into another room".

I dedicate this post to my beloved friend, sister, mother figure and teacher, Fathima Moola. May Allah LOVE her always and BLESS her always, and SHOWER her with all the joy and blessings HE can, and may HE grant her the company of the saints of Islam, and the friendship and companionship of the one she treasured so much in almost continuous durood, our Prophet and the final messenger of our beloved Creator, Muhammad (Peace be Upon Him)..

Just a cloudy day in Texas

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem


As we continue to approach "end times", or judgement day, God is speaking to people from all walks of life. There are many, many misconceptions about Islam; fed by the media, by powerplays and world economics games. But in all this, G"d speaks, and He continues to call unto Him those He wishes. Among these, there are pastors, lawyers, doctors, and any other kind. The pre-requisite to being a muslim is this - ALLAH says BE, and it IS.

Sometimes, Allah calls entire families to Islam, and sometimes, the men (not man, MEN) in those families are all pastors. This is the story of one such family - and a "conversion" (we call it reversion) one cloudy day in Texas.

Essentially, the father and son began doing business with a man from Cairo. Allah can use anyone to plant a seed, from near, or far. 

His father was a pastor, his wife and family, "charismatic" christians, "slain in the spirit", "baptised and living in faith". Maybe that's why Allah called them ALL to Islam - to draw them near to HIM, insh'Allah. May Allah continue to bless their work, keep them on the straight path of Truth and grant them Jannat when their time comes insh'Allah. It is in english, despite the subtitles. It's a long video, but VERY WELL WORTH WATCHING!! If you've ever wondered what Islam is really about, our your imaan needs a little lift, watch this.

Inspirational Sufi Story - Chisthi pir

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

A visitor came to a Chishti pir.

This visitor wanted to demonstrate his own knowledge of the Qur’an and intended to overpower the Chishti pir in a debate. When he entered, the Chishti pir took the initiative however and mentioned Yusuf and the dreams he has had according to the Qur’an.

He then suddenly turned to his visitor and asked him if he could tell him about a dream, so that the visitor may give his interpretation thereof. After receiving permission the Sufi told that he has had a dream and both of them were in it.

The Chishti pir then went on by describing the following dream event: “I saw your hand immersed in a jar of honey, while my hand was immersed in the latrine”.

The visitor hastened to interpret: “It is quite obvious! You are immersed in wrong pursuits whereas I am leading a righteous life”.

“But’, the Sufi said, “there is more to the dream”. The visitor asked him to continue. The Chishti pir then went on by telling this: “You were licking my hand and I was licking yours”.

Another unrelated sufi story to make you smile:
Bohlul was sitting on a bridge, watching the river flow by. The king saw him, and immediately had him arrested. "A bridge is for passing, not for staying!" said the king. Bohlul then replied to the king, "You should take a look at yourself. Look at how you are clinging to this life." (Adapted from "Another way of laughter: a collection of Sufi humor" by Massud Farzan, [E. P. Dutton & Co, New York, 1973], p. 39.)