Just a cloudy day in Texas

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem


As we continue to approach "end times", or judgement day, God is speaking to people from all walks of life. There are many, many misconceptions about Islam; fed by the media, by powerplays and world economics games. But in all this, G"d speaks, and He continues to call unto Him those He wishes. Among these, there are pastors, lawyers, doctors, and any other kind. The pre-requisite to being a muslim is this - ALLAH says BE, and it IS.

Sometimes, Allah calls entire families to Islam, and sometimes, the men (not man, MEN) in those families are all pastors. This is the story of one such family - and a "conversion" (we call it reversion) one cloudy day in Texas.

Essentially, the father and son began doing business with a man from Cairo. Allah can use anyone to plant a seed, from near, or far. 

His father was a pastor, his wife and family, "charismatic" christians, "slain in the spirit", "baptised and living in faith". Maybe that's why Allah called them ALL to Islam - to draw them near to HIM, insh'Allah. May Allah continue to bless their work, keep them on the straight path of Truth and grant them Jannat when their time comes insh'Allah. It is in english, despite the subtitles. It's a long video, but VERY WELL WORTH WATCHING!! If you've ever wondered what Islam is really about, our your imaan needs a little lift, watch this.

Inspirational Sufi Story - Chisthi pir

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

A visitor came to a Chishti pir.

This visitor wanted to demonstrate his own knowledge of the Qur’an and intended to overpower the Chishti pir in a debate. When he entered, the Chishti pir took the initiative however and mentioned Yusuf and the dreams he has had according to the Qur’an.

He then suddenly turned to his visitor and asked him if he could tell him about a dream, so that the visitor may give his interpretation thereof. After receiving permission the Sufi told that he has had a dream and both of them were in it.

The Chishti pir then went on by describing the following dream event: “I saw your hand immersed in a jar of honey, while my hand was immersed in the latrine”.

The visitor hastened to interpret: “It is quite obvious! You are immersed in wrong pursuits whereas I am leading a righteous life”.

“But’, the Sufi said, “there is more to the dream”. The visitor asked him to continue. The Chishti pir then went on by telling this: “You were licking my hand and I was licking yours”.

Another unrelated sufi story to make you smile:
Bohlul was sitting on a bridge, watching the river flow by. The king saw him, and immediately had him arrested. "A bridge is for passing, not for staying!" said the king. Bohlul then replied to the king, "You should take a look at yourself. Look at how you are clinging to this life." (Adapted from "Another way of laughter: a collection of Sufi humor" by Massud Farzan, [E. P. Dutton & Co, New York, 1973], p. 39.)

Jummah, a Mubarak day

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Some may say there is no quranic basis for saying "jummah Mubarak". However, since "a person is judged by his/her intention" (Niyat) let me make this one clear: "Mubarak" means blessed. "Jummah" is the best of days, since our Nabi saw passed away on a Jummah, and the day of judgement will be, according to the Quran, on a Jummah. Furthermore, we are encouraged, on a Jummah, to increase our worship, and to ask Allah to shower our beloved Nabi (uhbp) with greetings and blessings. Given that, wherein lies the sin in wishing muslims a "mubarak Jummah" or a "Jummah Mubarak" ? SO ... May you have a beautiful day of prayer and kindness, may you seek to live it "in the cause" of Allah, doing all that would please HIM, praising HIM, and making duah for muslims, insh'Allah. Ameen.

When Enough is Enough..

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

This blog post is respestfully uploaded, it does not apply to every man or to every woman, but it is one of the most important, if not THE singularly most important article I've come across to help men who are living under severe emotional abuse.

It is sometimes difficult, if not impossible, to walk out on an abusive spouse, especially if the abuser is the wife, not the husband; there are so many elements to consider, and the abused man is often so torn up and so manipulated by threats that he cannot see a way out. Sometimes even the family has subtly, gradually been brainwashed into thinking that this uncle/brother/nephew would be better off enduring than leaving. But there is no price to the life or the sanity of any human being, it is priceless.

If you know of an uncle/brother/nephew who is living under abuse, read this blog post, and refer them also to resources such as the website www.shrink4men.com. All rights of the writer are herein honoured. This is not my article, the author's name and the aforementioned site are the ones who deserve the credit.

This is a clearly written, well researched and thought out aide for men living with emotional/psychological/physical or other abuse and wondering how (or if) to get out. If you're not ready to leave, read it anyway, and understand that this is based on the experience of hundreds of men who like you, have had to endure, and thought they could never walk out - but did - sometimes before it was too late, sometimes after their lives had almost been lost to the abuse. It's time to break the silence. No domestic abuse can be condoned, wether it is well known or appears, on the surface, to be rare. Life in its raw truth, sadly, is stranger than fiction.

Note: this is not written from an islamic perspective, but from a practical, research based and clinical psychology based perspective.

Here's the article:

Leaving an Abusive Wife: Pre-Divorce Checklist

Written by Natalie Malonis on October 27, 2010 -
   

When a man reaches the point of deciding to divorce an abusive wife, he has typically been thinking, and possibly ruminating over, the possibility for many years. As Dr. T has discussed previously, there are many factors that work against a man’s successful break from a wife who displays a litany of narcissistic or borderline personality traits.
Instinctively, he knows that the divorce process will be hell. He might fear losing relationships with his children. Using children as vindictive tools of manipulation is a favorite tactic abusive women employ to keep the husband from leaving her. Alienation campaigns are nearly always used against the man when the couple has children together.
He may fear losing his retirement or his career. He may have bought into the repeated messages he receives from his wife that he’s no good and no one else will put up with him or that he’ll never make it without her. Simply put, a man may spend years wanting to leave and knowing that he should leave, but his fear of unthinkable consequences keeps him stuck. Many men have been in such a state of tortured indecision for 15 or 20 years.
As with any big endeavor, the free floating fear of unknowns can be reduced to a more manageable level with some good information and planning. That holds true for men who are deciding whether to leave an abusive wife or have made the decision, but do not know exactly how to put their decision to action. I have found that my clients fare much better when they have made a few key preparations in advance.
The steps I outline below are helpful for men in this situation for a couple of reasons. First, it gives them something to do, and taking actions (however small) feels like accomplishment; it helps build confidence and it helps men begin to trust their own judgment and decision-making abilities. All of these things are crucial for men who are gaining their independence after being manipulated and oppressed and undermined for years. Taking these steps can also save a great deal of time and money down the road—resources we all need a little more of, and especially significant for men in this situation.
When asked “how” to divorce an abusive wife, Dr. T has previously advised against advance disclosure of your plans to leave. Generally speaking, this is also how I would counsel men to make their exit from an abusive marriage, and here’s why: Your NPD/BPD wife is much better at the manipulation game than you are. For every one of your maneuvers, she’s got three alternative plans to keep you from succeeding, and she doesn’t even have to think about it—it comes naturally to her and requires no effort on her part.
You will not out think her and you will not anticipate the many ways she could screw up your departure. If she senses that you are on your way out, she’ll go into battle mode and manufacture a family emergency or spend all of your money or enlist the kids to lay a gigantic guilt trip on you or any one of countless other tactics. Your best chance for a successful departure is to do your planning without tipping your hand and make your exit before she has an opportunity to manipulate you into staying.
With that advice in mind, here is a checklist of items for men who are preparing to leave an abusive marriage:
1. Gather and copy important papers, and move the copies out of the house and into a secure location. Once your wife suspects that you may leave her, it will become exceedingly difficult to access information that you will need to begin establishing an independent life. Collect records of vital statistics, military records related to benefits and so forth, bank statements, social security statements, information about retirement accounts, vehicle titles, mortgage and loan documents, kids’ school records and contact lists, credit card statements, checkbook, stock certificates, etc.—any papers that are kept in your home that you may conceivably want access to during a divorce process, you should copy and move to a safe deposit box or to your office or some other location away from home where you will be able to access the papers.
2. Open a separate bank account in your name. Stop making deposits into your joint account and keep an eye on your balances in your joint checking and savings accounts. If your wife is planning on leaving or suspects that you are on your way out, more than likely you will see transfers out of your joint accounts. If that happens, it is important that you preserve enough cash for you to be able to make the move and meet expenses for a short time –please speak to a lawyer in your jurisdiction about your rights to money in marital accounts.
In my jurisdiction, I typically advise clients in this situation to withdraw half of the funds in joint accounts if the money is community property and deposit the money in a separate account. Laws differ from state to state, so it’s important that you clear this with an attorney.
3. Arrange for your paycheck to be direct deposited in your separate account. When your paycheck is no longer being deposited into your joint account, your wife will get wise to your plan to leave. Timing is important. Check with your HR department well in advance to find out how long it takes to stop automatic deposits and reroute them to a different account.
4. Start moving small family keepsakes and heirlooms and items of particular personal value to a location away from the marital residence. Consult an attorney in your jurisdiction about this, but in most states property that is inherited or gifted is separate property. If your father left you his antique watch, it’s probably your separate property. The reason to move items of personal or sentimental value is that those are the items that are most likely to be destroyed or “lost” by your NPD/BPD wife in the course of a temper tantrum. She will try to destroy whatever means the most to you—remove such items from her reach to the extent possible.
5. If you keep firearms in the house, remove ammunition from the house and remove or hide the guns. This is going to be the most volatile time of your relationship with a woman who has a history of irrational behavior. This is the most dangerous time for you and you cannot predict what an irrational person will do under such circumstances. Your personal safety must be a primary concern and never taken for granted.
6. If your wife has ever threatened you with false reports of domestic violence, alert law enforcement before you leave and inform them of any past threats of false reports. If she has ever made any kind of hint that she would report you for family violence, do not think she’s bluffing and do not assume she would not go that far. She would. The fact that she even thought to threaten you with such a thing is a big red flag—non-disordered people do not think that way. If she can think it up, she can follow through. Protect yourself.
7. Make a spare set of car keys and give them to a trusted friend or store them in your office or a location to which your wife has no access. If all goes as planned, you will not need your extra set of keys. However, if your wife finds out what you’re up to, expect her to make an all-out effort to thwart your plans, including taking your car or your keys to keep you from leaving. Have a backup plan, just in case.
8. Plan what you’ll say to the kids. If your spouse is physically violent, seek the assistance of an attorney in removing your minor children from a physically abusive parent. Custody matters with minor children require expert assistance. If you have adult children who are living away from home, you can help preserve those relationships by heading off your wife’s inevitable attempts to turn them against you.
You will need to be honest with your children about the circumstances you’ve been enduring—chances are they do not know what’s been happening or the extent of it. Plan what you will say to them–draft a script if that helps. In most situations, it’s best not to tell your adult children that you are leaving until you are out of the house. The first discussion with your adult children should take place as soon as possible after you have actually left.
It’s likely that your adult children are more loyal to their mother than they are to you because your wife has been making negative remarks about you and planting seeds of discord and doubt over the years. If your wife rules the roost, chances are your children are accustomed to doing her bidding and accepting her version of events without question. Do not be surprised if they side with your wife and if at first they don’t believe what you are telling them about the abuse.
Don’t despair and don’t give up—exposure of your wife’s behavior is what is called for. Encourage your adult children to check with you about the truth of anything negative their mother says about you and promise to be honest with them. Eventually, most adult children will begin to see and understand the dynamics and will no longer take as true the negative things that are said about you by your soon-to-be-ex-wife. Give it time, and don’t give up.
9. Hire a lawyer and file for divorce. You may think that once you’re out of the house there’s no rush in filing for divorce or getting the process over with. That kind of thinking is usually a mistake. Once you file for divorce, many jurisdictions have standing court orders that protect your assets while you go through the divorce process—those orders do not take effect until the divorce petition is filed and served on your spouse.
This will (in theory) give you some recourse if your wife behaves badly and destroys property or runs up credit card debt. Also, your wife may not think you’ll actually go through with divorcing her until she is actually served with divorce papers. Actually filing the divorce petition is a very strong boundary that you can establish right away. If you have hired a lawyer, you can avoid contact with your wife by deflecting communications to your lawyer. Remember, she is still trying to engage you so that she can maintain her control over you. If you have little to no contact with her, she cannot regain her footing or exercise any control over you.
10. Disengage. End all contact with your abusive wife. This is really hard, so be prepared to struggle with this one. You will feel compelled to speak with her. You will feel extreme anxiety if you do not pick up the phone when she calls. Even if you hate it, it is difficult to break this pattern, but it is imperative that you figure out how to stick to it.
You may have to have some ongoing contact because of minor children. It is helpful to some men to have a list of canned replies that can be given in response to attempts to engage you and draw you into conversations. For instance: ”I will not discuss our property division with you, the lawyers will sort it out” or “The children will be available to be picked up at 6:00 on Friday at my mother’s house; please be on time.” You get the idea.
If you must communicate, keep it very short and limited to business and get out of the conversation after you have delivered your communication. You do not have to listen to what a sorry jerk you are. You do not have to explain yourself or make your wife understand your position—there is nothing productive that can come from such conversations.
11. Tell it like it really is. You’ve probably become an expert at making excuses for your wife’s behavior and hiding the truth from everyone outside of your marriage. Now it’s time to expose what’s really been going on. That’s not to say that it’s wise to parade around with a victim sign across your chest, but now it’s important that you face the truth yourself.
It may also be necessary to expose the truth in situations where your wife embarks on a smear campaign against you. It’s not uncommon for this type of woman to tell lies about you to your family members (her in-laws), your children, the kids’ teachers, your mutual friends, the parents of your kids’ playmates, therapists, pediatricians, social workers and whoever else will listen. You can defend yourself by exposing the truth. This is especially important in the legal context—it’s crucial that you control misinformation that could negatively affect you in court.

A day in the life... (woman)

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

The blog entry below is not mine. I give full credit to the writer, who may be found at:

http://loveinshallah.com/2012/09/13/leaving-abuse/#more-1835  The story is so poignant and so sadly unusual that I felt compelled to post it. May it inspire and uplift, empower and assist, insh'Allah. Ameen  I shall be posting letters from others and how they have handled abuse, insh'Allah.

I leave here a rose for this muslim sister, because despite the thorns, she managed to tear her way out, to bloom again another day..

Here's her story:

"Maybe I’m being overly sensitive. Or maybe it’s that for the past two years people have tried to minimize what’s been happening, encouraging me to stay married. Or maybe I’m tired of living in secrecy and isolation and four years of mentally, verbally, emotionally, and physically intimidating behavior.

How many times did my life need to be threatened or how many times did I need to be physically endangered by a vehicle or fist before it’s considered abuse?  Maybe that’s why it’s taken me so long to leave. I needed to accumulate enough incidents before others would count it as an abusive relationship.  I needed to have a rock solid reason to get divorced a second time – the first time from a man who cheated on me, and the second time because of abuse.As someone who has always looked at my role in things to figure out what I’ve done wrong, perhaps I needed that outside validation and acknowledgment before I could admit, even to myself, that I had somehow gotten into an abusive relationship, and that I continued to stay in it for the sake of others.

Because, you see, I don’t fit the stereotypes our community has of these types of situations.  I’m a good desi girl. I have an advanced degree and come from a suburban, professional, Muslim family.  I could be your friend, your niece, or the person you pray next to at the masjid.  And, abuse aside, my husband is also a decent guy from a loving and tight-knit, educated, suburban family.

These feelings and memories are being stirred up as I prepare to move tomorrow.  The last time I left my home it was urgent and hasty after a night where my life was threatened.  What was supposed to be a temporary separation lasted for 15 months.  I had only moved back in with him in mid-March when he kicked me out of the house in the middle of the night in early June.  And now September is here and I am officially, properly, and permanently moving out of “our” home.

Leaving this time feels very different.  I’ve built an amazing community in this city. I’m already missing all the friends I made and can so easily visit, the ability to always find some show or event to attend at a moments notice, the easy access to farmers markets, acupuncture clinics, yoga studios, etc.  I’m leaving a place where I had imagined a future.

Given all these challenges and emotions, I think I’m doing pretty well.  I have been feeling so much love from my siblings, friends, and a support system I’ve helped to create for myself, including my relationship with God.

Someone recently asked me how I’m still able to maintain prayer and faith through all of this. Although I could look at my circumstances as unfair, unjust or a punishment, I don’t.  I can honestly say that I am a better, more thoughtful, more considerate person because of everything I’ve been through.   I wouldn’t have grown in these ways without these trials, and know I’m going to be a better parent because of the insight I’ve gained.

Instead of blaming my parents, my ex-husband, or the world for my pain, I am choosing to focus on myself and something that’s actually within my control. I am taking ownership of what I experienced, to be able to name it for myself and for others in similar situations.

–

Maryam Abdullah is the pen name of a writer living on the West Coast

Portuguese pudding (halaal version)

And now for something completely different - my favourite recipes. This one is for a steamed pudding that turns out like a flan, but richer, thicker, and.. well.. YUMMIER! You will be surprised to know this is a BREAD pudding - "Pudim de pao"

So here's the recipe:

Ingredients:
4 eggs
200g sugar
500ml milk
5 slices of white bread
1 table spoon lemon juice
liquid caramel (or make your own, easy to do.. )
one slice of lemon rind (I just slice a quarter slice off the skin)


Method:
Remove the crust from the bread.
In a pot, place the milk, the bread and the lemon rind. Bring it to the boil, stirring continuously so that it does not burn. As soon as it starts to boil remove from the heat.
Remove the lemon skin and blend the milk/bread mixture until smooth and creamy.

In another dish, beat the eggs
Add the milk/bread mix. 
Mix well.
Add the sugar and lemon juice
Mix well.

Take a puding mould and coat it in caramel. Alternatively, melt a cup of sugar over medium heat until golden and use that to coat the pudding mould OR a normal cake tin.
Once coated, pour the pudding batter in carefully so as not to dislodge too much of the caramel - this is where the carmelised sugar works better!

If using a puding mould:
Place pudding mould into a large pot, and cover. Pour enough water into the pot to reach half way up the pudding mould. close the pot and cook for about 25 - 30 minutes. Open and check if cooked - once cooked, the pudding will be firm and well set, but not dry. If it sinks, you've cooked it too long!

If using a cake mould:
Once you've poured the pudding batter into the carmelised tin, cover the cake tin with an old pot lid or heat proof plate and place the tin into a large pyrex dish - fill the pyrex with enough water to reach half-way up the cake tin. Allow to cook until firm and well set, but not dry. If it sinkss in the middle you've cooked it too long.

ONCE COLD - turn out into a deep plate, as the caramel should be runny over the set, firm pudding. Serve cold, and always, always pour some of the caramel from around the pudding over the slice!
YUM!

 

Joining Partners

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Growing up as a catholic, I was often referred to one or another "saint" for one or other purpose. For instance, when going on a journey, I would be told to pray to the catholic saint Christopher (who was a real person once upon a time and helped travellers) and ask him for a safe journey. Somewhere along the line, the catholic principle of intercession had changed from praying to God and asking him "in the name of " a saint, to praying to the saint.

Islam is a religion of many holy people. Many so-called christian or jewish saints' burial sites are actually looked after by muslims. The tomb of David (Dawud as) for example, and many others. We look after this sites because we believe that respect for someone doesn't stop at their death, it extends to their memory. But this is another topic. Regardless of looking after the tomb of a saint or pious person, we do NOT, in Islam, pray to anyone BUT the ONE living, self-subsisting, eternal God, the ONE that was, that is, that evermore shall be. The ONE with no beginning and NO end. That word "ALLAH" cannot be made plural, because it means "ONE GOD". It cannot be made female or male because it is neither male nor female. This is why regardless of what language we speak as muslims, we refer to that ONE LIVING and eternal and selfsubsisting Creator as "ALLAH" because the word ALLAH contains all this in it.

The entire belief of Islam is "Submission to ALLAH"  - on other words, we as muslims understand that the Divine Creator has a plan for each of us, and is so merciful that everything that happens to us works out for the best, even if we cannot see what that "best" is. Hence, we do not pray to Muhammad (uhbp)and we do not pray to saints. In other words, we make no partners and take no "help" from anyone BUT Allah in our prayers.

 

Bukhari Volume 6, Book 60, Number 24:

Narrated 'Abdullah:

The Prophet said one statement and I said another. The Prophet said "Whoever dies while still invoking anything other than Allah as a rival to Allah, will enter Hell (Fire)." And I said, "Whoever dies without invoking anything as a rival to Allah, will enter Paradise."

There are some religious sects out there who consider themselves christian but no christian would call him christian. Similarly, every faith has its diverging sects (usually at least one). In Islam, there are very few, perhaps one or two, but nonetheless those are the ones giving us and islam the bad press. For instance, flagelation of the human body - this is not islamic. Tattooin, suicide bombing, murdering, these are NOT Islamic practice nor does Islam condone the killing of innocent people or the altering of the human body, or the self-inflicted punishment the likes of which is portrayed on television. Media, is selective, and media gives what sells - sensationalism, planned and staged rubbish, essentially, which crowds looking for the next scape-goat swallow up by the bucket full! Allah grant them hidaya, insh'Allah.

Allah is ONE. God, is ONE. Yet even among muslims, shirk may infiltrate if we are not cautious. Most muslims read arabic even if they do not understand it, because it is "sunnat" (something done by the prophet (uhbp) ) and because it is the language in which the Quran was revealed. Bismillah (in the name of Allah) is said before a meal wether you are a muslim living in the antarctic, or a red indian converted to Islam. We have ONE God, ONE faith, ONE language, therefore. And then along comes a sect with a duah such as "Naad e Ali" and because it is an arabic duah and it is said to have been handed from Allah to the prophet Muhammad (saw) the inocent muslim may not question it. But the prophet himself (pbuh) said QUESTION - ensure everything you do meets the injunction of Islam - submission to ONE GOD - ALLAH.

For this reason, another label on this blog will now be "duahs". Because some duahs are simply not muslim. One must look to the roots of a tree to determine what fruit it will give for a thorn tree cannot bear sweet fruit (as per the Quran).

The Quran says:
Say: "Truly, my prayer and my service of sacrifice, my life and my death, are (all) for Allah, the Cherisher of the Worlds:No partner hath He: this am I commanded, and I am the first of those who bow to His will.Say: "Shall I seek for (my) Cherisher other than Allah, when He is the Cherisher of all things (that exist)? Every soul draws the meed of its acts on none but itself: no bearer of burdens can bear of burdens can bear the burden of another. Your goal in the end is towards Allah: He will tell you the truth of the things wherein ye disputed." (6:162-164)

it also says:
"'Those unto whom they pray [i.e., the saints] themselves seek avenue to their Lord's mercy, compete in coming closer to Allah and fear His punishment,' Qur'an 17:57

In the light of the above - can any muslim say that Naad e Ali (which means CALL out to Ali) is muslim?? Here is the english translation - I will not post the arabic lest a brother or sister actually make the duah (astaghfirullah)

Call Ali, who is Manifestor of wonders, Thou shall surely find him helper in your difficulties, all grief and sorrow shall be removed. I submit my temporal wishes to Thee on whom I trust and always referred Thee to bestow fulfillment of temporal wishes. O! Having Thee bestowed support, O! Thee Appointed Wali, All grief and Sorrows will disappear, By Thee by Thy tremendousness O! Lord, By Thee by Thy Apostleship O! Muhammad, - Blessings of Thee on Thy Apostle & descendants, By Thee by Thy granted Power & Authority of Wail, O! Ali, O Ali, O! Ali Help!

First, ALLAH has said make no partners and pray to NONE - yet this prayer says call to Ali, calls him a "manifestor of Wonders, a helper in difficulties, on whom one should always trust" - as a muslim, this upsets me. To be muslim means to follow the Nabi (pbuh) the FINAL prophet of Allah, and he said PRAY TO ALLAH ONLY, and Allah himself in the quran said do NOT associate any partners to Allah.

It doesn't require any form of piety to read the duah, understanding LA ILAHA IL ALLAH (there is no God but Allah) and know that this duah which some may say is islamic, is indeed not islamic. There is simple NO way around this one. Brothers and sisters, before making a duah, UNDERSTAND what it says, where it comes from (CHECK its authenticity) and then decide. The aakhira is too long a time to spend it in hellfire due to ignorance.. let's find out, let's seek only Allah, Insh'Allah! Ameen.

Tawassul is a topic needing much time - Intercession - but in every instance, it's about asking ALLAH, not praying to anyone else.