Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem
Quick test - Are you being abused?
If more than one of these is true (and there are many other symptoms) you need to consider if it's time to move on.
Does your spouse:
- Belittle you, verbally shout/scream/sneer/abuse you and/or huiliate you in front of people you know (e.g. friends, colleagues, family, or even online).
-Behave posessively to an extreme, and harass you with accusations about being unfaithful, interrogating you about where you were, who was there, when you arrived, when you left, etc..
-Refuse you your keys or your personal belongings or space, toss away your personal items, remove your things so that you feel you are "taking up space" that could be, in their opinion, better used (without considering how you feel),
- Try to control how you spend money or deliberately default on joint
financial obligations, or force you to make purchases you feel you cannot afford, pressuring you to keep up with the Jones' or be considered worthless. *often when you do spend it still leads to harassment,
- Make false allegations about you to your friends, employer, or the police,
or find other ways to manipulate and isolate you from people except those approved by him/her.
-Threaten to leave you and or prevent you from seeing your kids if you report
the abuse.
-Threaten to hurt the ones you love or threaten to refuse you access to the kids in one way or another when you leave.
If you answered yes to one or two of these, then you are probably living in a disrespectful home; if you answered yes to more than that, then you are living with abuse..
Abuse is not just against women; it is against men as well..
Some short excerpts from the stories of abused men:
"... she used to regularly scream at me and hit me, but when I needed
stitches in my head after she had attacked me with a knife while drunk, I had to
leave."
"I told my colleagues that I had scratched myself during the night due to
a change in washing powder - actually it was my wife who did it, but I couldn't
tell them that."
"After Betty had threatened me with a knife on more than one occasion, and I'd
successfully ducked missiles, she finally got her aim right one morning and hit
me with a bowl about one centimetre from my eye. I turned up to work that
morning with blood-stained clothing and had to explain my fragile situation."
Tuesday, July 21, 2020
Tuesday, May 22, 2018
Giveaway: ebook on Understanding Islam
Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem
Free gift: Please click on the download link to download.
Book Title: A Brief Illustrated Guide to Understanding Islam
File Size: 4.84 MB
Pages: 80
Language: English
Format: PDF
Author: I.A Ibrahim
Published Year: N/A
Ramadaan Mubarak 2018
Ramadaan Mubarak to our dear readers and kind followers who seek Allah in kindness and love for their fellow man and woman. It’s been forever since I blogged on this site. Between work, home, business and life in general I let it slip, somehow. But the way I see it, everything has a purpose and a time, and the world as well as life, is full of cycles.
There is too much going on in the world to create religion-based division, and the root of all evil is greed.
This cycle is Ramadaan; a time of fasting and prayer. And in this cycle my prayer, looking at the world, is this: that oppressors be finally grabbed by the forelock, by Allah himself. Whoever they are, whatever they’ve been up to be it for years, decades, or otherwise. A long time ago I coined the phrase “Every Pharoah Falls” and I fully believe in that.
In my life I have seen pharoahs fall which nobody could have predicted would fall, I’ve seen people taste their own bile and hate-filled words or actions without any intervention from me. Because I believe that Allah IS in fact watching, this is not just a saying; HE watches. And whilst he does not take pleasure in our pain I think that he allows pain for a reason; to teach us or to change us. In his mercy he grants respite to evildoers for a short while, yes, but eventually – eventually – the table turns.
So this is a warning to oppressors as well as a comfort to their victims; The oppressor may think that they have won, they may have full evidence of winning, they may be so close to the finish line that they are celebrating the fruits of their manipulation and destruction – but know this: That finish line is not their freedom, it is their judgement. Here, or in the Aakhira, and most time in both – Every. Pharoah. Falls.
So, Oppressor – be smug, be convinced, be full of yourself, be vile and aggressive and continue to harm but know that your day WILL come. One way or another.
And those suffering due to oppression, likewise know this – Nothing is lost, not a feather on a sparrow, not a grain off a head of wheat, without its recompense. This does not mean be silent, this does not mean accept suffering. It means STAND because you have a responsibility to self-defense, you have a right to self-esteem, and you WILL see the day of Victory, when your oppressor is “handled”. And on that day you will see him or her handled in such a Celestial way that you may even feel moved to feel sorry for them. But don’t. Because every hand will taste of what it has done, and they do nothing but heap hot coals upon their own head.
Salaam
Monday, March 9, 2015
When the road is hard
Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem
Staying on the straight path is never easy. Unless you live as a hermit you will always have to interact with people, and by that very interaction you will come across people who love you, and people who hate either you or what you represent.
It is especially true of today's world, where being muslim is being made to be synonymous with everything cruel and inhumane.
Remember that people will fear what they do not know, and as long as someone is out there using the name "muslim" for evil purposes, people will believe those people to be representative of our faith. They aren't.
I am a Muslim. I do not support ISIS. Why? Because organisations such as these go against the very grain of what Islam stands for. But will people believe that Islam is not about hatred and killing? Not as long as we are silent, and not as long as we live anything other than Islam. So in a way, the fact that murderous demons are out there calling themselves muslim; the very fact that media and international politics cashes in on the ideas these lunatics are putting out there about muslims means that I need to be a better muslim. In the home. In the workplace. On the street.
What does this mean?
I need to seek Allah, quietly. I need to fight my own internal desire to lash back at people who insult me because of those lunatics otherwise I am no better than either of them. I need to make jihad within myself so that my speech speaks for the truth of Islam; the compassion, the kindness, the love, the submission to the will of Allah. And I need to ensure in everything I do that my speech resonates with my actions. THIS is what we are being called to do and be - as muslims, our only weapon against the lunatics and the media that throws us all into the same label as those lunatics, is the one thing they seek to destroy - IMAAN.
Through Imaan (Faith), I move mountains.
There are two ways to move a mountain - blow it up and risk the lives and the hurt of many, or sift it, patiently, grain by grain. How do I sift it?
I sift it every time I read salaat peacefully and with love for the Creator. I sift it every time I treat someone with kindness. I sift it every time I speak the truth about Islam, (with kindness and love not matching any anger) I sift it every time I help an orphan who will grow up to be an adult. I sift it every time I step out of the shadows as a muslim and treat the world with peace.
Because Actions speak louder than Words.
We can tell the world we are muslims, we can tell the world that Islam is a religion of peace, we can scream it and rush it and win many arguments OR we can SIMPLY BE MUSLIMS, LIVE PEACE, and DO what we are called to do; serve Allah with peace, respect others and BE KIND.
There is no weapon that can stand against love and kindness and faith. Not even death. THAT is the spirit of Islam.
People are not stupid; and the truth always rises.
We as muslims need to see these lunatics and murders as a call from Allah to be DIFFERENT to them, and to return to the ways of LOVE and PEACE that are Islam. Muslims, awake! Everything is used by Allah for good. He only permits something horrific if the good will outweight the bad; perhaps, just maybe, He has allowed these horrific monsters to exist because he wants US to return to HIM. Before we can prove to the world that Islam is a religion of peace, we need to live it that way for ourselves, our community, and our world. Then, the work is already done.
You can fight wars, you can arm yourself, but nothing (no nothing) will spread as fast as LOVE. Ever.
So... know that ALLAH is ONE Creator of all. Stand for goodness, light, love, and the rest will follow...
Staying on the straight path is never easy. Unless you live as a hermit you will always have to interact with people, and by that very interaction you will come across people who love you, and people who hate either you or what you represent.
It is especially true of today's world, where being muslim is being made to be synonymous with everything cruel and inhumane.
Remember that people will fear what they do not know, and as long as someone is out there using the name "muslim" for evil purposes, people will believe those people to be representative of our faith. They aren't.
I am a Muslim. I do not support ISIS. Why? Because organisations such as these go against the very grain of what Islam stands for. But will people believe that Islam is not about hatred and killing? Not as long as we are silent, and not as long as we live anything other than Islam. So in a way, the fact that murderous demons are out there calling themselves muslim; the very fact that media and international politics cashes in on the ideas these lunatics are putting out there about muslims means that I need to be a better muslim. In the home. In the workplace. On the street.
What does this mean?
I need to seek Allah, quietly. I need to fight my own internal desire to lash back at people who insult me because of those lunatics otherwise I am no better than either of them. I need to make jihad within myself so that my speech speaks for the truth of Islam; the compassion, the kindness, the love, the submission to the will of Allah. And I need to ensure in everything I do that my speech resonates with my actions. THIS is what we are being called to do and be - as muslims, our only weapon against the lunatics and the media that throws us all into the same label as those lunatics, is the one thing they seek to destroy - IMAAN.
Through Imaan (Faith), I move mountains.
There are two ways to move a mountain - blow it up and risk the lives and the hurt of many, or sift it, patiently, grain by grain. How do I sift it?
I sift it every time I read salaat peacefully and with love for the Creator. I sift it every time I treat someone with kindness. I sift it every time I speak the truth about Islam, (with kindness and love not matching any anger) I sift it every time I help an orphan who will grow up to be an adult. I sift it every time I step out of the shadows as a muslim and treat the world with peace.
Because Actions speak louder than Words.
We can tell the world we are muslims, we can tell the world that Islam is a religion of peace, we can scream it and rush it and win many arguments OR we can SIMPLY BE MUSLIMS, LIVE PEACE, and DO what we are called to do; serve Allah with peace, respect others and BE KIND.
There is no weapon that can stand against love and kindness and faith. Not even death. THAT is the spirit of Islam.
People are not stupid; and the truth always rises.
We as muslims need to see these lunatics and murders as a call from Allah to be DIFFERENT to them, and to return to the ways of LOVE and PEACE that are Islam. Muslims, awake! Everything is used by Allah for good. He only permits something horrific if the good will outweight the bad; perhaps, just maybe, He has allowed these horrific monsters to exist because he wants US to return to HIM. Before we can prove to the world that Islam is a religion of peace, we need to live it that way for ourselves, our community, and our world. Then, the work is already done.
You can fight wars, you can arm yourself, but nothing (no nothing) will spread as fast as LOVE. Ever.
So... know that ALLAH is ONE Creator of all. Stand for goodness, light, love, and the rest will follow...
Friday, October 18, 2013
Fear, the Paranormal and Allah's Peace
Bismillahi Rahmaanir Raheem
Firstly, Jummah Mubarak.
Allah is Peace. This is one of his attributes. He is peace and he gives peace. Often people are afraid of what they think they see, or hear. I have posted before about Jinn, to which a whole chapter of the Quran is attributed (Al Jin). If Allah is peace, and the prophet Muhammad (peace and blessing be upon him), then what have we to fear? Allah is our provider, our nourisher, the beneficent, the merciful, the avenger, the just, he is Justice. He has and is every attribute that we will ever need, and yet, we sometimes have more fear of the paranormal than we have trust in Him. I'm not saying that we should not seek treatment for the paranormal; that would go against what I believe and what I have blogged and what the Quran and our Nabi (saw) has said. I am saying that fear of the paranormal, of "Jinn" can so consume people that it becomes their reason behind everything that goes wrong, as though Jinn or "the devil" have power to contravene any dictate of the Almighty Creator. Nothing, but nothing, happens without the say-so of Allah (swt). HE is the Omnipotent. To call him Omnipotent and then believe that anything else has more power than him is just a contradiction in and of itself.
However, Allah is also our Recourse, our Rescuer, our Defender. He is this and He says that He is this because he knows that there are things that will try to contradict his command. After all, He has given us choice. But if we understand that HE is our recourse, then those things which try to hurt us outside of Allah's command have no power because He rescues us at each turn.
I'd like to address the issue of fear of Jinn, because I have posted about them, and about Sihr and feel it is important to know that fear has no place and instead one should run to the assistance of Allah through what His Quran through His prophet (saw) has taught us to do.
Question: Why are people afraid of Jinn?
This is carefully analysed in the book Jinn and Human Sickness (copy available by email - drop us a comment) and four reasons are identified:
1) People are afraid because they lack knowledge of Tawheed (the concept that there is only ONE God and nothing has more power than him.) This is the central reason of being of Islam, of monotheism. Anyone believing that anything has more power than Allah may be committing Shirk, attributing more power to something other than Allah. Remember, HE IS Omnipotent. All powerful, All knowing, EVER present. To fear anyone or anything alongside Allah or above HIS decrees can be said to be committing minor (or major, depending on the situation) Shirk.
2) Made up stories - people love stories about ghosties and ghoulies and especially as Halloween approaches the stories about "scary" and "paranormal" events increase. From cartoons to movies, everything is out to convice you that the boogie man is gonna get you! But the "Boogieman" is nothing unless Allah authorises him, and if the "Boogieman" tries to do or say anything, you just remind yourself that ALLAH is the boss of everyone, even the "Boogieman". We need to stop lending our ears out to stories that provoke fear, and then complain that the devil did it. No, he didn't. We did. We lend out the ears, and when they're full of trash, they start to affect our eyesight and we start seeing the boogieman (or Jinn) behind every bush.
3) Witches, real or imaginary, in stories or the ones people visit to predict the future or to "get help" love to spread the stories of Jinn. They prey on your imagination. (One must distinguish between the witch and the Aalim who one goes to for the purposes of Rukhya or prayer healing. There are certain preconditions that an Aalim must meet in order to be credible and this is a subject for another post)
How do we treat the irrational fear of Jinni?
1. Remember Tawheed. Remember the Oneness of Allah. Remember Allah! Revisit and repeat the following within yourself:
In summary: know this:
Abu Umaamah said: The Prophet (saw) said: 'One hundred and sixty angels have been appointed over the believer to protect him from that which has not been decreed for him, including his eyes which are protected by seven angels as a vessel of honey is protected from flies. If a person were left to his own devices for even an instant, the devils would cause him a great deal of harm."
Ameen!
Firstly, Jummah Mubarak.
Allah is Peace. This is one of his attributes. He is peace and he gives peace. Often people are afraid of what they think they see, or hear. I have posted before about Jinn, to which a whole chapter of the Quran is attributed (Al Jin). If Allah is peace, and the prophet Muhammad (peace and blessing be upon him), then what have we to fear? Allah is our provider, our nourisher, the beneficent, the merciful, the avenger, the just, he is Justice. He has and is every attribute that we will ever need, and yet, we sometimes have more fear of the paranormal than we have trust in Him. I'm not saying that we should not seek treatment for the paranormal; that would go against what I believe and what I have blogged and what the Quran and our Nabi (saw) has said. I am saying that fear of the paranormal, of "Jinn" can so consume people that it becomes their reason behind everything that goes wrong, as though Jinn or "the devil" have power to contravene any dictate of the Almighty Creator. Nothing, but nothing, happens without the say-so of Allah (swt). HE is the Omnipotent. To call him Omnipotent and then believe that anything else has more power than him is just a contradiction in and of itself.
However, Allah is also our Recourse, our Rescuer, our Defender. He is this and He says that He is this because he knows that there are things that will try to contradict his command. After all, He has given us choice. But if we understand that HE is our recourse, then those things which try to hurt us outside of Allah's command have no power because He rescues us at each turn.
I'd like to address the issue of fear of Jinn, because I have posted about them, and about Sihr and feel it is important to know that fear has no place and instead one should run to the assistance of Allah through what His Quran through His prophet (saw) has taught us to do.
Question: Why are people afraid of Jinn?
This is carefully analysed in the book Jinn and Human Sickness (copy available by email - drop us a comment) and four reasons are identified:
1) People are afraid because they lack knowledge of Tawheed (the concept that there is only ONE God and nothing has more power than him.) This is the central reason of being of Islam, of monotheism. Anyone believing that anything has more power than Allah may be committing Shirk, attributing more power to something other than Allah. Remember, HE IS Omnipotent. All powerful, All knowing, EVER present. To fear anyone or anything alongside Allah or above HIS decrees can be said to be committing minor (or major, depending on the situation) Shirk.
2) Made up stories - people love stories about ghosties and ghoulies and especially as Halloween approaches the stories about "scary" and "paranormal" events increase. From cartoons to movies, everything is out to convice you that the boogie man is gonna get you! But the "Boogieman" is nothing unless Allah authorises him, and if the "Boogieman" tries to do or say anything, you just remind yourself that ALLAH is the boss of everyone, even the "Boogieman". We need to stop lending our ears out to stories that provoke fear, and then complain that the devil did it. No, he didn't. We did. We lend out the ears, and when they're full of trash, they start to affect our eyesight and we start seeing the boogieman (or Jinn) behind every bush.
A black cat is NOT necessarily a Jinn.
3) Witches, real or imaginary, in stories or the ones people visit to predict the future or to "get help" love to spread the stories of Jinn. They prey on your imagination. (One must distinguish between the witch and the Aalim who one goes to for the purposes of Rukhya or prayer healing. There are certain preconditions that an Aalim must meet in order to be credible and this is a subject for another post)
How do we treat the irrational fear of Jinni?
1. Remember Tawheed. Remember the Oneness of Allah. Remember Allah! Revisit and repeat the following within yourself:
La Ilaha Il Allah - there is no God but Allah
"Say (O Muhammad): I have no power over any hard or profit to myself except what Allah may do" (Surah Yunus. 10:49)
"Say, (O Muhammad to mankind): How do you worship besides Allah something which has no power to either harm or benefit you?" (Surah Al Maa'idah 5:76)
"Say: Who then has any power at all (to intervene) on your behalf with Allah, if He intends you hurt or intends you benefit?" (Surah Al-Fath 48:11)
"And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah. Then, when harm touches you, unto HIM cry aloud for help." (Surah Al-Nahl 16:53)
"And invoke not besides Allah any such that will neither profit nor harm you." (Quran. Younus 10:106)
It is clear from Quran and Hadith that mankind is superior to Jinni kid.
"And verily, there were men among mankind who took shelter with the males among the jinn, but they (jinn) increased them (manking) in sin and transgression (Suran Al-Jinn 72:6)
In summary: know this:
Abu Umaamah said: The Prophet (saw) said: 'One hundred and sixty angels have been appointed over the believer to protect him from that which has not been decreed for him, including his eyes which are protected by seven angels as a vessel of honey is protected from flies. If a person were left to his own devices for even an instant, the devils would cause him a great deal of harm."
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Male Bashing on the Rise
Bismillahir Rahamaanir Raheem
Nothing changes until those who see wrong begin to put a stop to it. I've posted a few blogs about spousal abuse of men, and recent stats show that this continues to rise.
Until men start to walk out, and people start to support them in starting fresh, this wretched problem will continue to grow. Abusers need to know that enough is enough. They need to experience what it is to be completely alone in order to appreciate what a gift it is to have someone who cares. Simply put, this is how I feel.
Enough of the excuses, enough of the "I don't want to get involved" and the "Oh but its not done in the community." Enough is enough.
In the UK, male spousal abuse has grown to such an extent that ONE in EVERY SIX MEN is being abused by their spouse.
I will keep blogging about this scourge until people start to stand up and get counted. If women are the "fairer sex" they need to stand up and shine their good light on this! Women's abuse is not tolerated, why should men's abuse be??
It is not as prevalent in America but it is there, with 15% of all reported incidents being against men. Bearing in mind that men are 80% less likely to report spousal abuse, you do the math. There is just too much abuse going around. Here's just a few "highlights". (Full stories are available.)
A Seattle therapist who convicted of assault and required to pay a $500 fine, perform 100 hours of community service and have absolutely no contact with the woman says:
In Kelso, a man had been out drinking and came home to fall asleep on the couch. His wife took an iron skillet and beat him. He was taken to the emergency room of the hospital and stitched up. He was taken there by police, but no charges were filed against his wife.
My wife—in one of her drunken rages—took our daughter’s baseball bat and used it to smash the locked door to my study, where I was trying desperately to meet a deadline. And since I’m over 6 feet tall and muscular, I wouldn’t get much sympathy posing as a “battered man!”: I had thought of calling the police that night. When I recalled this incident to my divorce lawyer some time later, his response was: “It’s a good thing you didn’t, because the police probably would have arrested you.”
My son was married to a violent young woman for a few months before he left her. He is much larger than her and is a one time amateur boxing champion. She never used weapons, so she never came close to hurting him physically. But she hit him whenever she got the notion to, she cut up his clothes and threw them in the yard, she destroyed the trophies he had accumulated in various sports competitions since childhood, and she destroyed a wedding album my wife had made for them. Neither party was blameless, but the physical violence was all hers. If my son had ever hitten her, there would have been evidence for weeks.
I was in a hellish marriage with a woman who had difficulty controlling her rage, which would frequently erupt with her hitting, verbal abuse, and screaming. If fighting with her did occur, it was self-defense; if she threw a punch or kicked, I defended myself. In one particular case, after she initiated a fight by kicking and throwing punches, she called the police to report me as the violent abuser! When they responded, I was seen as the bad guy, she was the victim!
A man from Washington state---I am 6'2" and about 200 lbs. I have a solid background in wrestling and have dabbled in TKD and Judo. I am also a DV survivor. I am NOT a "victim"! ... I was awakened by her screaming as she came through the bedroom door swinging a baseball bat. She brought it down across my legs. I managed to avoid most of the blow and took the bat away from her by twisting it out of her hands. She went to the kitchen and got a marble rolling pin.
We've tried to find help for him but all of the shelters just answer in silence. It's a shame how he was treated by the police and that there are no shelters or groups to help men, they need it every bit as much as women. It's time to stop offering help to someone just because they are a women. Abuse is abuse, it does matter how the abuser is or how the abused is.
I know the terror that comes from domestic violence, in this case perpetrated by my mother.
-- a Seattle man
I have been verbally and psychologically battered and abused, I've been threatened with bodily harm, I've been threatened to be shot right between the eyes, I've been kicked in the groin, I've had to watch while my ex sexually molested my daughter and not dare interfere for fear of retaliation. Then 1 day she called 911 so fast and had me arrested, my head was literally spinning with disbelief. When trying to tell the officer that I was provoked and that she was hurting my daughter and that I was protecting my daughter, he told me that I had better keep quiet, I'd charge you with a felony if I could, he said. .. So now what do i do?
She slapped the walls in the hall way. ... She hit me in the arm a few times, goading me to hit back. ... As you can see the above picture doesn’t’ show any gross domestic violence.
Wife became very angry and she attacked me with a set of Porsche Keys - maybe three inches long. she stabbed me thirteen times. As I was trying to leave, she took our daughter and tried to throw her down the steps
Although she had been physically aggressive in the past, she turned downright violent toward me. It started by hitting me with the phone, throwing objects at me, kicking and clawing. She drew blood a number of times. Under advice from my attorney, I was warned that even taking a defensive position could be seen as an act of violence toward her. The ONLY physical action I took toward her was to restrain her from hitting or biting or kicking me. She was an expert at falling down and screaming -- "see kids, look at what your dad is doing to me."
Here's the kicker. I am a mental health professional, social worker and marriage and family therapist. I had blinders on like most guys. I interpreted her behavior as emotional disturbance, and would often sit up all night trying to comfort her after one of these episodes.
my lawyer looked at me like I was crazy when I told him ...
Why did I take it? I had a daughter that was small that was also screamed at and hit, and scared by stories of the bugger man getting her. I finally had to leave or get killed.
My wife of almost 9 years was a woman of an incredibly short temper and possessed the ability to swing from mood to mood faster than you could shake a stick at. Over the years, she had thrown things at me, including knives, slapped me, punched me, and shoved me on numerous occasions. I had always felt a sympathy towards her because of the fact that she had no one in her life that truly seemed to care for her. I was going to be her protector.
I believed if this got around, their would be a stigma. Some embarassment toward ex wives and present lovers. I didn't want my kids to hear these stories, or to have others in their world, discussing me regarding this issue.
I still don't understand why I stayed in that relationship as long as I did. I quess it was because she was such a great girl in every other way and I hoped she would change. I'm never going to go back into that kind of insanity again.
Funny, at the time I told myself I deserved it.
I was awarded temporary sole custody of my three children and possession of the marital home. My ex-wife was in shock and refused to leave ... Her attempts to provoke an incident increased. Finally one morning she cornered me alone in the kitchen and again began to punch me out after a nasty verbal exchange. Unfortunately, my 10 year old son witnessed this episode through a window while he headed for his school bus. I did not strike back. My ex then left and went to the police.
I was abused too many times and decided to end the relationship many times but I was unable to do so. Because she followed my each and every move and I was reluctant to file stalking charges against her because I did not want to hurt her feelings. The abuse intensified, she did not hesitate to hit me ... She also clawed me numerous time and even cut me with a knife. I was again failed to report the incidents to the authority. Many times she had threatened me that if I bring any charges against her, she would not hesitate to bring false charges against me ...
Her definition of the proper way to conduct an argument was to slap me around until I stopped disagreeing with her. ... However, I was willing to put up with it for the sake of her kids...at least until she started endangering them.
She was brassy, outspoken and told me she liked "big guys". I'm 6' and weigh in at 230. She held a knife to my throat and told me to get out of the apartment. I would not dare move because I thought she would kill me....she would tell friends very publicly why sex with me was difficult. She would later say it was meant to be a compliment...kidding about the size of my genitalia. I wasn't laughing. Every success I had was met with derision. Daily my shirts were ripped....my face was slapped...I was kicked....I was locked out. There was nothing I could do to make a difference. [After I left] she has told me repeatedly, "You're the only person who really understood me." The face I see as she speaks is still the one who held the knife.
Nothing changes until those who see wrong begin to put a stop to it. I've posted a few blogs about spousal abuse of men, and recent stats show that this continues to rise.
Until men start to walk out, and people start to support them in starting fresh, this wretched problem will continue to grow. Abusers need to know that enough is enough. They need to experience what it is to be completely alone in order to appreciate what a gift it is to have someone who cares. Simply put, this is how I feel.
Enough of the excuses, enough of the "I don't want to get involved" and the "Oh but its not done in the community." Enough is enough.
In the UK, male spousal abuse has grown to such an extent that ONE in EVERY SIX MEN is being abused by their spouse.
I will keep blogging about this scourge until people start to stand up and get counted. If women are the "fairer sex" they need to stand up and shine their good light on this! Women's abuse is not tolerated, why should men's abuse be??
It is not as prevalent in America but it is there, with 15% of all reported incidents being against men. Bearing in mind that men are 80% less likely to report spousal abuse, you do the math. There is just too much abuse going around. Here's just a few "highlights". (Full stories are available.)
A Seattle therapist who convicted of assault and required to pay a $500 fine, perform 100 hours of community service and have absolutely no contact with the woman says:
I was dumbfounded from the very start of the incident," the man says. "I was getting struck by this woman while I was holding my daughter and I was the one who called the police.
In Kelso, a man had been out drinking and came home to fall asleep on the couch. His wife took an iron skillet and beat him. He was taken to the emergency room of the hospital and stitched up. He was taken there by police, but no charges were filed against his wife.
My wife—in one of her drunken rages—took our daughter’s baseball bat and used it to smash the locked door to my study, where I was trying desperately to meet a deadline. And since I’m over 6 feet tall and muscular, I wouldn’t get much sympathy posing as a “battered man!”: I had thought of calling the police that night. When I recalled this incident to my divorce lawyer some time later, his response was: “It’s a good thing you didn’t, because the police probably would have arrested you.”
My son was married to a violent young woman for a few months before he left her. He is much larger than her and is a one time amateur boxing champion. She never used weapons, so she never came close to hurting him physically. But she hit him whenever she got the notion to, she cut up his clothes and threw them in the yard, she destroyed the trophies he had accumulated in various sports competitions since childhood, and she destroyed a wedding album my wife had made for them. Neither party was blameless, but the physical violence was all hers. If my son had ever hitten her, there would have been evidence for weeks.
I was in a hellish marriage with a woman who had difficulty controlling her rage, which would frequently erupt with her hitting, verbal abuse, and screaming. If fighting with her did occur, it was self-defense; if she threw a punch or kicked, I defended myself. In one particular case, after she initiated a fight by kicking and throwing punches, she called the police to report me as the violent abuser! When they responded, I was seen as the bad guy, she was the victim!
A man from Washington state---I am 6'2" and about 200 lbs. I have a solid background in wrestling and have dabbled in TKD and Judo. I am also a DV survivor. I am NOT a "victim"! ... I was awakened by her screaming as she came through the bedroom door swinging a baseball bat. She brought it down across my legs. I managed to avoid most of the blow and took the bat away from her by twisting it out of her hands. She went to the kitchen and got a marble rolling pin.
We've tried to find help for him but all of the shelters just answer in silence. It's a shame how he was treated by the police and that there are no shelters or groups to help men, they need it every bit as much as women. It's time to stop offering help to someone just because they are a women. Abuse is abuse, it does matter how the abuser is or how the abused is.
I know the terror that comes from domestic violence, in this case perpetrated by my mother.
-- a Seattle man
I have been verbally and psychologically battered and abused, I've been threatened with bodily harm, I've been threatened to be shot right between the eyes, I've been kicked in the groin, I've had to watch while my ex sexually molested my daughter and not dare interfere for fear of retaliation. Then 1 day she called 911 so fast and had me arrested, my head was literally spinning with disbelief. When trying to tell the officer that I was provoked and that she was hurting my daughter and that I was protecting my daughter, he told me that I had better keep quiet, I'd charge you with a felony if I could, he said. .. So now what do i do?
She slapped the walls in the hall way. ... She hit me in the arm a few times, goading me to hit back. ... As you can see the above picture doesn’t’ show any gross domestic violence.
Wife became very angry and she attacked me with a set of Porsche Keys - maybe three inches long. she stabbed me thirteen times. As I was trying to leave, she took our daughter and tried to throw her down the steps
Although she had been physically aggressive in the past, she turned downright violent toward me. It started by hitting me with the phone, throwing objects at me, kicking and clawing. She drew blood a number of times. Under advice from my attorney, I was warned that even taking a defensive position could be seen as an act of violence toward her. The ONLY physical action I took toward her was to restrain her from hitting or biting or kicking me. She was an expert at falling down and screaming -- "see kids, look at what your dad is doing to me."
Here's the kicker. I am a mental health professional, social worker and marriage and family therapist. I had blinders on like most guys. I interpreted her behavior as emotional disturbance, and would often sit up all night trying to comfort her after one of these episodes.
my lawyer looked at me like I was crazy when I told him ...
Why did I take it? I had a daughter that was small that was also screamed at and hit, and scared by stories of the bugger man getting her. I finally had to leave or get killed.
My wife of almost 9 years was a woman of an incredibly short temper and possessed the ability to swing from mood to mood faster than you could shake a stick at. Over the years, she had thrown things at me, including knives, slapped me, punched me, and shoved me on numerous occasions. I had always felt a sympathy towards her because of the fact that she had no one in her life that truly seemed to care for her. I was going to be her protector.
I believed if this got around, their would be a stigma. Some embarassment toward ex wives and present lovers. I didn't want my kids to hear these stories, or to have others in their world, discussing me regarding this issue.
I still don't understand why I stayed in that relationship as long as I did. I quess it was because she was such a great girl in every other way and I hoped she would change. I'm never going to go back into that kind of insanity again.
Funny, at the time I told myself I deserved it.
I was awarded temporary sole custody of my three children and possession of the marital home. My ex-wife was in shock and refused to leave ... Her attempts to provoke an incident increased. Finally one morning she cornered me alone in the kitchen and again began to punch me out after a nasty verbal exchange. Unfortunately, my 10 year old son witnessed this episode through a window while he headed for his school bus. I did not strike back. My ex then left and went to the police.
I was abused too many times and decided to end the relationship many times but I was unable to do so. Because she followed my each and every move and I was reluctant to file stalking charges against her because I did not want to hurt her feelings. The abuse intensified, she did not hesitate to hit me ... She also clawed me numerous time and even cut me with a knife. I was again failed to report the incidents to the authority. Many times she had threatened me that if I bring any charges against her, she would not hesitate to bring false charges against me ...
Her definition of the proper way to conduct an argument was to slap me around until I stopped disagreeing with her. ... However, I was willing to put up with it for the sake of her kids...at least until she started endangering them.
She was brassy, outspoken and told me she liked "big guys". I'm 6' and weigh in at 230. She held a knife to my throat and told me to get out of the apartment. I would not dare move because I thought she would kill me....she would tell friends very publicly why sex with me was difficult. She would later say it was meant to be a compliment...kidding about the size of my genitalia. I wasn't laughing. Every success I had was met with derision. Daily my shirts were ripped....my face was slapped...I was kicked....I was locked out. There was nothing I could do to make a difference. [After I left] she has told me repeatedly, "You're the only person who really understood me." The face I see as she speaks is still the one who held the knife.
Jack O' Lantern origins - What's in the pumpkin?
Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem.
What's in a pumpkin? It's just a pumpkin! Have you heard that one before, just around the time of Halloween?
So here's what's in the pumpkin: The Jack o' Lantern.
The story starts in Ireland, and the legend tells of a miserly thief called Stingy Jack. Jack made a pact with the devil to avoid going to hell. Jack needed a drink; as in alcohol. So, at death's door, he met up with the devil one night and promised to go to hell if he could have a drink. The devil turned into a penny for him to buy his drink with. But he tricked the devil putting the coin in his pocket, and kept on going. Eventually the stingy man died, and heaven would not accept him of course. But, neither would hell, because the story goes, it wasn't his time. So he was destined to roam the darkness forever.
So Jack asked the Devil for a light to see by, and the Devil gave him a coal from hell, which he placed into a pumpkin (some stories say a turnip) and he "carries it around with him to this day to light his way to this day"
Personally, I don't think that any more needs to be said about this; just maybe a question begs asking: Do you really, really want to light the way for this evil spirit, to your home? Or, if you don't believe he's still roaming, do you really, really want to celebrate this story which is the ONLY origin of the Jack o' Lantern? Or, if you know this is the origin of the story and still don't care, do you still call yourself a muslim?
It's insane, to my mind, that any person who in any way is either Christian, Jewish or Muslim would want to participate in such a thing.
And the answer is: What's in the pumpkin? - Oh, just a stone from hell itself to light the way to a miserable soul. On the other hand, maybe its just the story of a man who sold his soul to the devil and you're just "imitating" him, like the "good follower" that you are!
What's in a pumpkin? It's just a pumpkin! Have you heard that one before, just around the time of Halloween?
So here's what's in the pumpkin: The Jack o' Lantern.
If you're freaked out by this picture, good.
You should be!
This is the least of your worries if you practice carving and keeping Jack O' Lanterns.
"Verily! Joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed. Quran 31:13"
"Those who reject (Truth), among the People of the Book and among the Polytheists, will be in Hell-fire, to dwell therein (for aye). They are the worst of creatures." (al-Bayyina, 98/6).
The story starts in Ireland, and the legend tells of a miserly thief called Stingy Jack. Jack made a pact with the devil to avoid going to hell. Jack needed a drink; as in alcohol. So, at death's door, he met up with the devil one night and promised to go to hell if he could have a drink. The devil turned into a penny for him to buy his drink with. But he tricked the devil putting the coin in his pocket, and kept on going. Eventually the stingy man died, and heaven would not accept him of course. But, neither would hell, because the story goes, it wasn't his time. So he was destined to roam the darkness forever.
So Jack asked the Devil for a light to see by, and the Devil gave him a coal from hell, which he placed into a pumpkin (some stories say a turnip) and he "carries it around with him to this day to light his way to this day"
Personally, I don't think that any more needs to be said about this; just maybe a question begs asking: Do you really, really want to light the way for this evil spirit, to your home? Or, if you don't believe he's still roaming, do you really, really want to celebrate this story which is the ONLY origin of the Jack o' Lantern? Or, if you know this is the origin of the story and still don't care, do you still call yourself a muslim?
It's insane, to my mind, that any person who in any way is either Christian, Jewish or Muslim would want to participate in such a thing.
And the answer is: What's in the pumpkin? - Oh, just a stone from hell itself to light the way to a miserable soul. On the other hand, maybe its just the story of a man who sold his soul to the devil and you're just "imitating" him, like the "good follower" that you are!
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